A Glass of Water May Make the Burden of Child Sexual Assault Too Heavy.

by Megan Bayliss | More from this Blogger

The same student that sent the Donkey Story also sent me this poignant story about stress management:

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "How heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.

The lecturer replied,

"The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes. "

He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we will not be able to carry on. As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we are refreshed, we can carry on with the burden. So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now let them down for a moment if you can. Relax; pick them up later after you've rested. Life is short. Enjoy it!

I reflected on this from a child's point of view. A glass of water (a problem) is heavier for little arms than for us. Therefore, it is imperative that we recognize stress in our children and take the glass from them long before it becomes too heavy.

Child sexual abuse is a horrible stress for children to carry around all day. Because of the secrecy surrounding abuse, the weight is doubled. The child begins to crack and collapse under the weight. Unable to explain or make sense of what is happening, the child's behavior begins to change. Their behavior becomes their voice and their attempt to put the glass of water down. Unfortunately, parents often fail to recognize a child's behavior as their communication and the child's stamina at holding the glass is strengthened in a negative way. They learn to keep their mouth shut and continue to act badly because they feel bad inside. Their view of themselves through the eyes of adults tasked with looking after them becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: "If that's what people think of me then that's what I am." Depending on personality factors, a child may continue to either act out their self-fulfilling prophecy or develop it as an internal voice that tells them they are bad, stupid and worthless.

If Child Sexual Abuse is never dealt with in childhood, the glass continues to get heavier and heavier. Sometimes we can see the weight externally, but often it is internalized, hidden. Come adulthood, the glass may one-day shatter. The cumulative affects of long time glass of water holding can be disastrous to a person's life. It may affect their marriage, their children, their friendships, their mental health or their ability to hold down employment. It's not too late for someone to help them put their glass of water down. They're so used to carring it that they may need gentle reminders from us to have a break, a rest, a different drink.

Talking with your children about sexual assault and protective behaviors is an easy way to let them know you're willing to take the glass of water from them if ever anything should happen. Households that regularly and openly discuss these issues are the homes where children are least likely to cave in under the weight of the glass.

Use the metaphor of the weight of a glass of water to spur you into taking the load of stress away from your children or from yourself. Reduce the likelihood of child sexual abuse by recognizing the indicators and acting appropriately when you see them.

Next time you raise your glass in a toast please pay a thought to those people who no longer have the energy to carry their load. Cheers (and now I'm putting my glass down!).

Related families.com articles:

Talking with Children About Sexuality.

Protective Behaviors for Personal Safety.

Related creative short story from Megan's journal:

The Forgotten Princess of Farend.

My favorite child focused article of the day: Our "WALK TO CURE DIABETES" Scrapbook, by Kristyn Crow

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