Search Results for: blog are parents important life lessons sinking in

Life is NOT Fair

I remember one of the most annoying and frustrating things my parents would say to me when I was growing up was “Life is not fair.” Usually, I would be whining or complaining about some injustice or my siblings and I would be in the midst of a rivalrous battle. The fact was, it was an incredibly important lesson and one that I certainly benefited from learning. Life isn’t fair. It is not what anyone really wants to hear, especially not a young child whose thinking and reasoning is very much governed by black and white categorizing, but when children … Continue reading →

Are Parents Important Life Lessons Sinking In?

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How can you tell if the lessons you have been trying to teach your children are sinking in? One way is to watch the things your kids say or do. If you kids insist that you attend school events or you receive compliments about your teen’s behavior, you’re probably doing something right. David Breachoft, a professor of psychology and family studies at Concordia College, asked his students to come up with a list of important lessons for life that they learned from their mothers. Here’s a sampling of what his students had to say: You can do anything you set … Continue reading →

The Fruit of Our Parenting Labor

Do you sometimes wonder if your kids are learning the life lessons you are trying to teach them? If you believe what some experts say, you won’t see the fruit of your labor for years to come. While that might be true in some respects, in many ways if you continuously set a good example your kids will imitate you. One complement I get often is that Tyler is well-mannered. His behavior is a case of learning by example. For instance, I always say “Thank you,” to anyone who does anything for me. As a result he does the same … Continue reading →

Insisting on Follow-Through

I just want to introduce this blog by saying that I am NOT one of those parents who insists that my kids NEVER EVER quit anything—but, on the whole, I have encouraged them to stick with projects and see them through to completion. This means that if they start a sport season, or join the yearbook staff, or agree to do some volunteer work, I do insist that they follow those things through to the end of the season, project or school year. While I think there is something to be learned in how to quit or walk away from … Continue reading →

Recognize Effort, Not Results

We are a results-oriented society—read the morning newspaper and you’ll see dozens of stories where the end definitely seems to justify the means and we tend to reward people based on what they “achieve,” not the process and efforts along the way. As parents, however, too much focus on results can create a lot of stress and pressure for our kids and they may actually be afraid to try and struggle if they feel they will never get to the “reward.” I think parents can have a great deal of influence on raising kids who are NOT afraid of failure … Continue reading →

If We Want Our Children to Have Character Traits, We Need to Have Them First

I write often here about how important it is for us as parents to model behaviors for our kids—things like honesty and patience and empathy are all important personal traits that we can exhibit ourselves in order to help our children learn what is expected. But, I think there are all sorts of morals, ethics, and character strengths that we must first foster in ourselves if we have hopes that our children will grow up with these cherished traits. How can we teach something that we haven’t really learned ourselves? If children can learn negative and abusive behaviors in the … Continue reading →

Remember Learning to Share?

In the world I grew up in–and it wasn’t so very long ago, I’m only forty, after all– we had one television and two phone extensions (one in the kitchen and one in my parents room). These phones were connected to the wall completely (no portable or cordless). We didn’t have a computer and we had one household typewriter for doing those school papers. AND, we had one bathroom for three kids (horrors!) Somehow, we managed to grow up just fine without feeling deprived, and we learned how to share. In my little meager household now, we have 3 televisions, … Continue reading →

Offering Guidance to Our Kids, Not Criticism

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When our kids do something wrong, as they inevitably will, we should strive to guide them rather than criticize them. “To avoid being judgmental, psychologists do not use criticism to influence children. They use guidance. In criticism, parents attack children’s personality attributes and their character. In guidance, we state the problem and a possible solution. We say nothing to the child about himself or herself,” says Dr. Haim Ginott. Remember when our kids were infants and toddlers and they spilled something? What did we do? We talked about the event- “Uh-uh, Tyler spilled his juice. Let’s get that cleaned up.” … Continue reading →