Ask Permission or Ask Forgiveness?by Kori Rodley Irons | More from this Blogger 20 Feb 2008 07:44 PM Years ago, I sat on a volunteer committee and one of the members was an elderly nun. She shared her "wisdom of the ages" at one meeting when she said it was "far better to ask for forgiveness sometimes than to ask for permission." What a thing to come from a woman of religion! I have noticed, however, that in family life, this seems to be some wisdom that my children wrestle with too... "What is the worst that could happen?" How many times have you asked yourself this question when you tried to figure out whether or not to take a risk or do or try something that could either turn out in your favor or against? I know that my children do the same thing-weigh out whether or not they will get in trouble badly enough to deter them from taking the risk. I have to confess that sometimes, the gamble pays off and asking for forgiveness goes better for them than if they'd asked me for permission. "I knew you'd say no if I asked you." I've heard that one a few times when I've caught someone doing something that I assume they knew they were not supposed to do. Of course they did, but they decided it was worth the risk. As a parent, I can either try to make the consequence stronger to be more of a deterrent, or I can use the situation as a learning/teaching moment for both of us. I think as a parent, it is important to remember that sometimes risk-taking and independent thinking on the part of our children-even when they break a rule or make errors in their choices-is not always a bad thing. Sometimes, it is a developmental step or a sign that they are growing up or getting bolder. Sure, we still need to be the parent and make sure that we follow through with logical consequences and teach them what is unacceptable, but I do think it helps to keep the big picture in mind-after all, that is what THEY are trying to do sometimes! Also: "I'm Not Sorry I Did It" Sometimes the Answer is Just "No" Learn more about Kori Rodley Irons  Bio has been removed by administrator Relevantparenting tags User Comments No comments on this article yet. Be the first to comment! Community Tags choices, forgiveness, permission Discuss this article
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