Search Results for: blog barking orders

Barking Orders

Wouldn’t it be interesting to be able to playback the things we say throughout the day? I think it would be pretty enlightening. For whatever reason, there was this moment I experienced a couple of days ago when I really heard myself. And I didn’t like what I was hearing. The realization hit me that I give a lot of instructions, particularly with my youngest child. “Put your shoes away.” “Feed the dogs.” “Turn down your television.” “Do your homework.” It’s not that giving instructions is wrong. But is most of our communication spent barking orders? I had to ask … Continue reading →

Parenting Trumps Friendship

We’ve all heard it. You can’t be your child’s friend; you need to be the parent. I know this was ingrained in me early on. Although this is true, I think the same emphasis needs to be placed on the fact that when you are a good parent, the friendship will come later. It gives you something to look forward to. While I have always known that parenting trumps friendship, I have to admit that sometimes I struggle with this. I don’t like conflict with my children. So sometimes I will bend rules in order to avoid it. That’s not … Continue reading →

I’m Not You

“I’m not you!” Why did those words sting a bit? It felt like my teen daughter was trying to let me know that she had no desire to be me…as if maybe there was something wrong with that? The reality is that my daughter wanted me to stop judging her. And she was right. She isn’t me. This was part of a painful conversation that we had several months ago, in the midst of what I can only call a tsunami of problems. Suddenly that close relationship we had was being rocked. And part of the problem was the fact … Continue reading →

What Reallly Matters

Sometimes I have to remind myself of what really matters. That’s because I can easily get caught up in the inconsequential “stuff” of life. It could be that I am so focused on my to-do list, my agenda or a schedule that I lose sight of what’s most important. When interruptions or distractions come, I get out of sorts. This can mean not taking the time to really listen when my teen wants to talk. Or it could be that I dole out a sharp answer, just so I can move on to my next thing. One of my famous … Continue reading →

Consideration for Neighbors- Part 2

People, and especially children, practicing an instrument can be hard on the ears. Years ago we used to live next to a school and they sent the children outside to practice with their recorders, right near my study window. Recorders were never my favorite instrument but I’ve had an aversion to them ever since. Barking dogs can also be a problem. A couple I know was unaware their dog was barking whenever they went out as he didn’t bark when they were home. Then they got a visit from the council officer saying a complaint had been made. Another person … Continue reading →

What About That Tone?

People can tell a lot from the tone of our voice. It’s not so much the words said as they way they are said that can make a lot of difference, especially when talking to our spouse. Recently Mick and I attended a gathering with a number of other couples and I listened to one woman talking to her man. It sounded like she was a drill sergeant barking orders to a group of soldiers. She was so intent on what she wanted done that I don’t think she was aware of how abrupt it sounded. Neither was she aware … Continue reading →

Want Your Kids to Listen? Say Something Interesting

Most of us parents are concerned with getting our children to listen to us. I do not know how many times I have heard a parent exclaim in desperation: “She just won’t listen to me!” It is just as likely the parent is talking about a 2 year-old or a 15 year-old or anything in between! How can we get our children to actually listen, hear and digest the things we have to say to them? One of the ways is to truly say something interesting… Now I am not talking tall tales and made up drama here or even … Continue reading →

Maybe it’s Not What You’re Saying, But How You Say It

Have you ever noticed how two people can say virtually the same thing in content, and one of those people will be more persuasive, communicative and memorable while the other person just doesn’t make the same impression? As a parent, I have wondered how I can say something to my kids, but it is not until a grandparent, teacher, or friend says the same thing in a different way that they actually listen. I have a tendency to think that it is not the message I am delivering but the method in which I’m trying to get my point across. … Continue reading →

Why is God Doing This to Me?

Oftentimes, as we face life’s most difficult challenges, we are tempted to wonder what we ever did to deserve this trial in our lives. Sometimes we even say out loud, “I wonder why God is doing this to me.” This is a misperception of what is actually taking place. God isn’t “doing” anything to you – He’s allowing certain things to take place for your benefit and growth. In 2 Nephi, 26: 24-25, we read: He doeth not anything save it be for the benefit of the world; for he loveth the world, even that he layeth down his own … Continue reading →

Do We Always Have to Give an Explanation?

With three teenagers, we’ve pretty much outgrown the “because I said so” stage. I cannot get away with barking instructions and orders without offering a logical explanation to go along with it—which my kids respond to in various ways. I have to admit, however, that those logical explanations are not always enough and sometimes, what I say just has to be… Here is the general “formula” that I have developed: I offer a logical explanation first, not as a justification, but as a matter of fact. “I have decided that you can go to the party on Friday night as … Continue reading →