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Be Prepared to Repeat Rules

I wrote earlier about how I have been reading a book about raising and training a puppy in preparation for taking on a new household member. There are so many things about this anticipated endeavor that remind me of raising kids! No offense to my kids, of course, but I am seeing a lot of similarities in raising the well-behaved puppy and attempting to raise the well-behaved child (I confess that I anticipate it will go a little more predictably with the dog than it has with my kids). One thing that struck me was the reminder of the need … Continue reading →

Stepmothers Are People Too

As a single mother one thing I’ve dreaded is when my ex husband would get remarried. Not because I carried if he was married or not but because of what it would mean to Hailey. I am Hailey’s mom, I want to make the rules, I want to be the one she confides in, I don’t want some stranger disciplining my child. For all single mothers, one day this become a reality. The evil stepmother enters the picture. Cue creepy music and it just gets worse from there. How do you deal with this and how do you help your … Continue reading →

Make Sure They Know if it is Voluntary or Not

One of the communication “issues” that comes up in our household is when I will make a “suggestion” that seems pretty clear and obvious to me as something I expect my children to do—but what they hear is that I have just made a suggestion and they get to choose whether to respond or not. Who’s at fault? Well, most likely me for not making sure that I let them know when a task or activity is voluntary, and when it is required. You would think I would know by now that if I say something like: “I would like … Continue reading →

Defending Yourself against the Aging Narcissist (2)

In the first article in this series (see link below) we looked at the first two tips for dealing with a parent with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Today we continue with further aids for dealing with these damaging and difficult people. 3. Examine carefully all the achievements you have made in your life in spite of your background. Your achievements, your victories, your assets: you have attained all of them without the usual parental encouragement and assistance. In fact, you may well have been berated for your achievements or even hijacked temporarily by your parent in your journey to success. … Continue reading →

Trying to Talk a Child OUT of What He Wants or How He Feels

I will say up front that I am of the opinion that trying to talk a child out of a want or a feeling not only doesn’t work, it can also actually make things worse. We might discredit our child without intending to or we may just be trying to find a way to move on from an uncomfortable situation. I suppose I believe that a big part of a parent’s authority comes from a basic level of confidence and boundaries. If our boundaries are strong and healthy, we know where our own decisions, thoughts, wants, behaviors, etc. end and … Continue reading →

In Praise of Patience

The other day, I was on a bus coming home from a very hectic and kooky day. The bus was crowded and a young mother got on with a rather vocal and “busy” toddler. As soon as the bus got good and crowded, and started to pull away from the station curb, the toddler started into screaming and crying. I’m talking head-splitting, ear-piercing, not-what-you-want-to-hear-at-five-o’clock fit-throwing. While I wouldn’t have blamed the mother if she lost her cool, instead I was dazzled by how patient and playful she remained—even under the annoyance and heavy gazes of a bus full of commuters. … Continue reading →

Allowing for Dissent in the Ranks

I do think there is a difference between being a parent who is “in charge” and being a “my way or the highway” type of parent. I suppose that is that old comparison between being authoritarian and authoritative. Regardless of what it is called, I think that it is healthy for a family to have a little dissention in the ranks. As parents, we should be confident and involved enough NOT to feel threatened when our kids disagree. Kids are supposed to disagree—that is part of their job. As parents, we need to be strong and comfortable enough to choose … Continue reading →

When Things Get Out of Control…Abort the Activity

Sometimes, the best laid plans and parenting tricks are not enough to keep the trip to the grocery store, church, or movie theatre from going sour. Instead of trying to force the issue and forge ahead when misbehavior, crankiness or temper tantrums set in–it is a far better parenting choice to abort the activity and leave. Often, just taking a break and getting some fresh air is all you need, other times it may be a better choice to go home and finish the activity at another time. I don’t know how many times I have been in a grocery … Continue reading →

What Can Be Avoided?

Have you ever heard that the best way to cope with a disaster is to avoid it? How about “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure?” When it comes to parenting, the same rules of nature apply. Instead of finding yourself in the throws of temper tantrums and bad behavior with your child, it often makes more sense to figure out the causes and avoid it… I know that we parents don’t always see the behavior issues coming, in fact, that is one of the “joys” of parenthood–how much of a surprise every day can be. But, … Continue reading →

Promoting Good School Bus Behavior

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My husband is an assistant principal and spends much time dealing with discipline problems. He comments that some days his morning is consumed with troubles on the bus. Bus drivers call or stop by his office to report students who misbehave. My school also has numerous complaints about children on the bus. Some children are even suspended from riding the bus to school for three or five days. One bus driver from New Jersey has solved her problems herself. She has excellent advice for any bus driver or parent of a ‘bus trouble child’. Lois Yukna, a New Jersey bus … Continue reading →