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Bonding is an Ongoing Process

I remember when I was a new mother with babies and young toddlers; there was a great deal of talk and advice about “bonding.” As I absorbed it then, bonding was something that happened with parents and babies and if you didn’t get it right in those early weeks and months, things were never going to be right between parent and child. What I have actually learned, however, in the passing years and developmental changes, is that bonding is an ongoing process and there are unending opportunities to bond, connect, and get to know each other for a parent and … Continue reading →

Privacy vs. Secrecy: How to Foster Intimacy in Your Relationships

Information really is power; how, what, and when to share can have a far-reaching impact on our ability to foster intimacy in our relationships. It is almost a rite of passage, for instance, for a new couple to explore one another’s past—first loves, first kisses, and even the first big heartbreak. These conversations both require and build a significant level of trust, as they reveal how we act and react at our most vulnerable moments. So what does it mean when your partner refuses to share? It can mean many things; the problem, of course, is that we often assume … Continue reading →

Book Review: Adopting After Infertility

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Adopting After Infertility differs from other adoption books in that it goes more deeply into the losses of infertility, attitudes toward family, and decision making, as well as parenting adopted children if that is the option chosen. The book is divided into three sections. Part One deals with the losses experienced by persons who are infertile. There are tips on self-care, dealing with the stresses of infertility, and handling family events and relatives’ baby showers. Rather than specific medical information on options, this book offers ways to consider the emotional impact of the various options such as hormone treatment, in … Continue reading →

Some Attention Needs to be Undivided

With three kids, one mom, two-plus jobs, and a multitude of other daily realities, there is not a lot of my attention that is clear and focused. While my kids have gotten used to sharing me and dealing with the constant juggling, I have also had to learn that I HAVE to settle down and pay attention to them without the distractions. Sometimes it still hurts their feelings if the phone rings during an impromptu heart-to-heart and they don’t always want to “go along” with me while I run errands in order to talk with me. As single parents, we … Continue reading →

Focus on Shared Interests

Communicating with our children can be challenging–and not just for single parents either. As our lives get so full with responsibilities and activities, and our children grow and change, it can be tough to stay connected. Life can be hectic and having unlimited time to sit down and catch up just might not be happening. Focusing on keeping some shared interests alive can be one way that a single parent can stay connected with his or her children. If you are a non-custodial parent or do not get to see your children on a regular basis, you know how challenging … Continue reading →

Finding Ways to Connect Instead of Separate

Chances are, it can feel like your family is constantly heading in a dozen different directions. Once children get mobile and since most of us single parents have to work and take care of things outside the house too, it can seem like the forces of nature are working to keep us separated, not bring us together. When it comes to building a family (and that is how I think of it instead of just “having” a family), we have to put extra focus into ways to minimize the separation and maximize the connections. Connection does not have to mean … Continue reading →

Does Your Family Pull Together or Fall Apart During Crisis?

One of the signs of a strong family is how the family unit reacts to stress, tension and crisis as a group. When something tough happens (a move, death, etc.) does your family come together or does everyone head off in their own directions? Of course, there is no such thing as a perfect family and we all do things differently. I have a friend who feels as though she came from an incredibly strong family and as she described it: “We hollered and yelled and said horrible things to each other but then we always apologized and came together … Continue reading →

Are You Happy with the Level of Connection?

What do you wish was going better with your child? I think as parents we often think that our kids go through phases and we just have to take things as they come. Often life gets in the way and we start to feel like we are losing our connection with our child or that we don’t really know or understand what is going on and we just have to live with it. We don’t! If there are areas in your relationship with your child that can stand improvement, you can identify them and make efforts to bring about some … Continue reading →

Playing Computer and Video Games Together

My daughters have been teaching me how to play SIMS 2 on the computer. We had a dreadfully wet and rainy weekend this past weekend–nonstop downpours with dark clouds and blustery leaves. No one wanted to go outside even to get a jug of milk. So once we’d watched all the movies, my almost-eighteen-year-old got out the computer games and the three of us built our homes and families and I struggled along to learn how to play. By all practical standards, we might all three be considered “too old” for such activities. I have certainly never been one to … Continue reading →

Still Reading the Toy Catalogs

My teenagers no longer really play with toys. Unless you count the balls, tennis rackets and sporting equipment which still take up a prime spot near our front and back door entries. Still, I think it is fun when the toy catalogs start to arrive this time of year–both in the mail and tucked between the folds of our local newspaper–my kids get excited to flip through and see what’s out there. Offering critique and opinion, as well as a healthy dose of reminiscing about toys and holidays past. Sure, there is a certain amount of “I never got that … Continue reading →