Book Review: ScreamFree Parenting

by Myra Turner | More from this Blogger

25 Sep 2006 07:48 AM

"The key to good parenting depends on you, because you are the one you can ultimately control," says Hal Runkel, a family therapist and parenting expert and he's written a book to show parents how they can have a more peaceful and calm house. The book is called ScreamFree Parenting: Raising Your Kids By Keeping Your Cool, and in it he says that if parents behave, even when our kids are misbehaving, we increase the chance of positively impacting the situation. And he says this is true of any situation.

According to Runkel, as a ScreamFree Parentâ„¢, you will learn to let go of the need to be a perfect parent and realize that the truth of the matter is we don't have to know all the right answers at all the right times for us to be a good parent. We also have to learn to calm down. Our goal should be learning to focus on calming our own "emotional reactivity." In doing so we teach our kids how to do the same thing when they are faced with trying situations.

Some of the principles he outlines in the book include:

What to do when you feel overwhelmed - and how not to flip out.

How to give your kids peace of mind - and not a piece of your mind.

How to create physical and emotional space and place for your children.

How to give your kids enough freedom to make mistakes, or even hate you.

He also advises that kids should be raised to make their own decisions and to take responsibility for the consequences of their actions. When kids do make mistakes, as they inevitably will, parents should be there for them without getting angry or screaming. His technique shows parents how to teach their children to learn through the consequences of their mistakes and to "stay cool, calm and connected" during the process.

Runkel also says that parenting is not actually about the kids but about the parents. "The greatest thing we can do for our kids is learn to focus on ourselves. This makes for a radical shift, a shift from controlling your kids' behavior to influencing their decisions. As a result, you can reach the ultimate goal of every parent - to launch your child into adulthood where he or she is a self-directed, decisive, and responsible person," says Runkel.

Learn more about Myra Turner

I'm a proud mid-life single mom with an active seven-year-old son, Tyler.

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dpenna (542) 25 Sep 2006 08:29 AM

I need that book. I plan on learning about Parenting with Love and Logic, another program that promises the ability to straighten your kids out without screaming and/or extreme discipline.

Gwyllum (301) 25 Sep 2006 03:39 PM

Myra, your recommendation of Runkel's book is great for new parents, and also for not so new parents. Being a parent is such a responsible role in life and one that most people feel unprepared for. For me, parenting has been an ongoing learning curve for 45 years. In my experience, it doesn't always stop when our children reach adulthood! These days, many grandparents fulfill the parenting role too. Families can be such a great group to belong to. It is sad that sometimes families are not such a good place for children to be. However, sharing skills is a way to empower ourselves and others. Good for you. Gwyllum.

Megan Bayliss (3586) 25 Sep 2006 05:16 PM

Great review Myra. I am ashamed to say that I have been a screaming parent way too many times in the past. It took me two children to get it through my thick skull that screaming was just unacceptable and a type of abuse. Screaming is a symptom of an out of control parent. I'm linking this blog to my favorite blog of the day in "What is age appropriate sexual development in early childhood? Introduction.": http://mental-health.families.com/blog/what-is-age-appropriate-sexual-development-in-early-childhood-introduction .