Search Results for: blog boundaries 101 for older kids and their parents

Finding a Mix between Warmth and Firmness

We talk a lot about limits and boundaries here in the Parents blog, as well as maintaining consistency, but I do believe that the best of parents have a great mix of warmth and tenderness AND firmness. And, I do think it is possible to be both with our children. Believe it or not, I do think we can be warm and loving at the very moments we are setting very firm boundaries and clear expectations. We do not have to be mean or overly stern in order to get our children to understand that we mean business. Of course, … Continue reading →

“Help me! Help me! And Leave me Alone!”

What parent has not experienced the mixed messages of a child? They want us close; they want us to butt out. They need our help, but they don’t want to admit it. As a parent, it becomes a challenging dance to know when to step in, and when to stand off to the side AND to learn how to interact with our children when they are sending us those mixed messages. The thing with young children is that they tend to be pretty black-and-white thinkers. It is not until a child is nearly grown that he can really tolerate ambiguity … Continue reading →

Don’t Expect Them to be Thrilled About Boundaries

We talk a great deal about setting limits and boundaries here in the Parenting blog, as well as how to go about setting and adjusting rules. We also talk about those common parenting problems of power struggles and battles of will that can be ordinary life events—not very pleasant, but ordinary. It probably doesn’t hurt to remind ourselves that even when we set the most reasonable of boundaries or limits, we can expect that our children might not be too happy about it! I think the fact that kids balk and complain about parental rule setting is what makes many … Continue reading →

Parent or Psychologist?

I am quite certain that I am not saying anything shocking here when I put forth the proposition that a huge percentage of a parent’s “work” is dedicated to family psychology—here we thought it was all going to be about love, nurturing, and a little discipline. In fact, I sometimes wonder if I am really a parent or if I am an amateur psychologist… So much of living with and raising my three children has been about trying to figure out the “why” of what they are doing, and trying to help them find their way in the world. Motivation, … Continue reading →

I am NOT the Same Parent I Used to Be

Just as my children have grown and changed over the years, I know that I too have changed quite a bit. Sure, there are some core values that have remained but parenting has changed me. Other life adventures have had their way with my personality and personal skills as well, but I think it is important to acknowledge that I am so not the same parent I started out as all those years ago. I think we have a tendency to think that our children have changed and we have “always been the same” or that when we reach adulthood, … Continue reading →

Boundaries 101 For Older Kids (and Their Parents)

I tend to write about my personal “boundary” philosophies when it comes to parenting now and again. The reality is that I find this subject comes up again and again when I am talking with friends. They may not realize that their “problem” with their kids is really about setting boundaries—but it often is. And, it doesn’t stop when kids grow up and move out—in fact I have found with my friends with older kids (in their 20’s and 30’s)—the boundary issues can be even stronger and more of a struggle! As usual, I want to clarify that I am … Continue reading →