Boys & Gunsby Nicki Bradley | More from this Blogger 04 Mar 2006 01:47 PM
I believed in nurture over nature with all of my heart. When I had my boys I knew that they would not be bound by conventional gender restrictions during their play. I bought dollhouse, baby dolls, and play kitchens. One thing I did not buy was guns. Guns - the ultimate Boy Toy - were against my nature and my moral compass. There was no place for a toy gun in my house. I closely scrutinized what my boys were exposed to on television to make sure that violence was not part of their vocabulary. And I succeeded! That is, until one day my then-3-year-old first child pulled out some Legos and build himself what he affectionately coined "A power-ee". It was, yes, a gun. In my zest to keep guns away from our house I forgot to ban ALL toys because, as I was about to learn, ANYTHING in the hands of a boy is a gun. Without even knowing the word for "gun" (I HAD succeeded, right?), he made up his own very apropos word. Now, with older children and some hindsight, I understand that nature sometimes rules, no matter how obsessed the nurturer! You can keep the boy from the gun but you can't keep the gun out of the boy! Some of the common "guns" I've seen over the years include:
And, the grand finale and ultimate girly-girl nightmare...
I have friends who swear that their naked toddlers have used their own penises as a toy gun! Oh the horror! Is nothing sacred? Apparently not. Not in the hands of a boy! Learn more about Nicki Bradley  I live in the suburbs of Detroit and I'm happily re-married with six children (3 his, 2 mine, 1 ours) ranging in age from 3.5 to 12. Relevantparenting tags User Comments  Jaime Egan (2178) 04 Mar 2006 09:30 PMInteresting...don't you wonder where they get it from if it doesn't come from home? Scary.  Anna Glendenning (4234) 05 Mar 2006 02:28 AMMy son used a carrot when he was young. Later he had the Lego problem.... I found Boy Scouts was wonderful for him when he got older. He learned all the safety facts on his way to becoming an Eagle Scout...and now is being considered for a nice career with the government based on his Scouting Record....I guess I am kinda happy he had a fascination with guns as a little one.  Lisa P (24013) 05 Mar 2006 12:27 PMSo, here's a thought. Just out of curiosity - in your experience - do you feel that making guns illegal in your home eliminated the crime ?  Nicki Bradley (1578) 05 Mar 2006 03:37 PMLisa - no, I don't feel like it eliminated the crime. I still really hate guns, I won't play fighting games with my kids and I have strict usage rules but I've given up trying to "ban" anything. I have only recently bought anything remotely gun-ish - those nerf lasertag and then velcro tag guns. Bought those for my 11 year old - I think he's old enough :-) But I do think the overall attitude has made them at least think twice about gun safety. We DO talk a lot about gun safety and as soon as they are old enough they are ALL taking gun safety classes. Jaime - I swear it is the collective subconscious! I have heard many similar stories about boys being "banned" and finding their own way. It seems innate. Anna Glendenning (4234) 05 Mar 2006 10:57 PMI am always thinking about the "role models" for my sons.... My little one just loves the Police and I have been far more concerned with his attitude about the little "Knight Stick" that came in the Dollar Store Police toy a bought him a few weeks ago.... When you look at some of the important things boys aspire to become How many of them include a gun? Army men, police and cowboys all have guns.... And in my house those seem to be the things my boys always wanted to become. We just have a 'shooting' rule--no pointing at people or pets including the fish in the fish tank! Or it is a big time out.....  MichaelHeart (346) 21 May 2006 07:32 PMNicki, While I do applaud you for wanting to keep violence out of your home and away from your "man boys," you have learned a very valuable lesson. No matter how hard we may try to keep our children from doing certain things, whenever we try to circumvent Mother Nature's Laws, we simply postpone the inevitable. A word of advice here. You like being a girly girl and I commend you for that. Just remember, boys like to be man boys just as much as you like being a girly girl. Look, guns are a part of every boy's growing up. Guns aren't violent, it's the people that use them to commit acts against people that are violent. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story. I almost fell out of my chair from laughing so hard reading about the legos and later about the penis guns. I'll just bet your boys have a lot of fun at your home! Sign me trying to sypathize with you but my side hurts too much! Michael Heart  Heather Long (16954) 21 May 2006 07:39 PMActually, my daughter likes the idea of playing with guns/lasers/blasters etc as toys and I've told her and she now repeats quite categorically that weapons are not toys. They are not fun. It's not fun to try and hurt other people. My nephew does much the same. Sure I played cowboys and indians when I was a kid -- but the shows I watched then shot to wound or to just shoot the gun out of the other person's hand -- they didn't go for gore the way they do now. She doesn't kill enemies when they play super heroes -- she captures them. They go to jail. It's a fine line -- but it's one I hope she sticks with -- I was pleased one day when she went to a party and when they started playing shooting at each other type games my daughter refused to give into peer pressure. Weapons aren't toys and they aren't fun. She'd rather play chase or catch than shoot -- I can go for that.  mcmama (51978) 24 May 2006 11:06 AMThe ingenuity of some of the boys in my child care home never failed to amaze me. Legos, blocks, sticks, fingers, etc. You name it they shot it. My oldest boy is very anti gun. Always has been. But even he has a set of star trek phasers which he still plays with in college. Lately when the cat attacks his foot, the value of water pistols has become apparent to him. Phasers on stun was always his version of gun play. When a relative took both boys target shooting, the oldest was very uncomfortable and bored. The youngest LOVED IT! He is a teen and when he grows up, he wants to do more of that sort of thing. Meantime, he has phasers too for when his brother comes home - and a super soaker to tame our wild kitty (no exaggeration, that beast needs it - he challenges the spray bottle and the water pistol but runs when he sees the super soaker) - and regularly plays paintball in the woods with other kids on organized outings. Doubt he will be a hunter, as he really has a soft spot for animals. But a rifle to DEFEND his animals may not be out of the question! If you are allowing gun play, or acquiescing to it, you have to set some guidelines for what is appropriate and what is not. And that alone is a great learning experience  Julie Gentry (5915) 05 Nov 2006 10:50 PMLove the way you write, Nicki! What a creative little guy you have :-). It *IS* part of being a boy. One thing my pacifist neighbor did was to change the focus. She started playing WITH him, telling him things like, "I see you have your gun. Are you protecting us from grizzly bears or mountain lions today?" And when his imaginary gun was used pointing at someone else (he was only 3), she'd look at him quizzically and say, "He doesn't LOOK like a grizzly. Why would you be pointing your bear-hunting gun at him?" They catch on quickly, and he quit pointing them at people, only at the bushes or other places he "saw" a bear. I think she is very clever! Community Tags boys, guns, nature v nurture, parenting, toys Discuss this article
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I have boys. A lot of boys. I am a girl. A girly-girl. I like dolls and make-up and doing hair and nails. I'm not just a girly-girl, I'm a pacifist girly-girl! I'm a boy-child's worst nightmare! So of course, I was blessed with many boys.
