Search Results for: blog can you stay calm and neutral during discipline

Making the Most of a Cooling Down Period

This past weekend, my older teenage daughters and I were sitting and chatting, eating cheese crackers and catching up. I have been delighted to find that when they pass the rockiest of the adolescent years (I surely hope), they do want to hang out occasionally with mom again and my daughters actually ASK me to spend time with them. Okay, that’s the good part. The not-so-great part is that now that they are older, they provide some comment and reflection on how I’ve gone about the business of parenting. This past weekend, the conversation came around to “mom’s cooling down … Continue reading →

Avoid Scare Tactics

Scare tactics seems to be one of those fallback parenting techniques that just won’t go away. While it may seem like “putting a little fear” into our kids works for the short term and stops immediate behavior, in the long run it causes our children additional anxiety and may influence them to NOT trust us as parents. I am of the opinion that using scare tactics is something that really DOESN’T work as a discipline technique or a way of building a solid parent-child relationship with our kids. My theory is that the world is a scary enough place at … Continue reading →

Either/Or Choices for Children

Offering our children choices can be one very good way to teach problem-solving skills and help children develop the skills necessary to make good choices as they progress in life. BUT, offering too many choices can actually make things worse! Until our children have developed the ability to filter and prioritize, we can help by limiting the choices and offering either/or choices for them to choose from. For example, instead of telling a five-year-old to go into his room and pick out something to wear for school pictures. Autonomy can still be accomplished by offering a choice of two outfits: … Continue reading →

Whatever We Pay Attention To…Grows

We often talk about ways to curb unsavory behavior here and how to influence our children as they grow and develop. I was recently reminded of the old “law” that whatever we pay attention to grows—and this goes for behaviors and habits we want to change in our children too. The standard advise is to praise and “pay attention” to the things we LIKE that our child does. We can give attention and support to the good behaviors and take our attention away from the behaviors we want to change or make disappear. This is much easier said than done. … Continue reading →

Is That Subject Open or Closed?

When I was a kid, there were times when subjects or conversational topics would become “closed”–as in, “That’s all I want to hear about this, the subject is closed!” I always vowed that when I became a parent, I was not going to declare conversational subjects off limits. Of course, like many of the things I swore I would never do as a parent, I have caught myself saying that I have said “all I’m going to say” on particular subjects. So, while I may avoid the official declaration, there are times when my kids have had to ask whether … Continue reading →

I’d Like to Have a “Situation Room” Too

My son and I were watching season one of “The West Wing” on DVD. It is one of his all-time favorite programs, and he had picked up the entire first and second seasons to watch in his spare time over spring break. While he wasn’t always thrilled to share the living room with me, when I could, I plopped down and watched and episode or two. I found myself really coveting the “Situation Room” that they have on that program. I’m assuming since it’s supposed to be just like the real White House that our president and upper realm of … Continue reading →

It’s No Big Deal…

One of the phrases that I seem to be hearing often now from my teenagers is: “It’s no big deal.” As you might imagine, this phrase is only used when it is very likely that the issue at hand is, IN FACT, a big deal—so, I’ve grown to hate the phrase with a deep and burning passion. I’m also not too keen on the phrase that I keep finding coming out of my own mouth, “Oh, it’s a very big deal!” Of course, as often happens in matters of communication, my kids and I are talking in code. When they … Continue reading →

How Good Are You at Communicating Under Pressure and Stress?

Yesterday, I wrote about the benefits of being able to stay calm, neutral, and collected during moments when disciplining our children is order. As I wandered through my day of work, parenting, and dealing with friends and acquaintances, I couldn’t help thinking about communicating AS A WHOLE–particularly, just what it takes to be able to communicate with others when we’re feeling under stress, pressure, annoyed or aggravated. How often are we expected to be able to cope and communicate with our children when we are NOT feeling calm and collected?! I am of the opinion that communicating under stress and … Continue reading →

Can You Stay Calm and Neutral During Discipline?

Parenting is emotional stuff. We can be so bonded and attached to our children, as well as our role of parent, that emotions rule the day. Experts suggest, however, that remaining calm and neutral during times when discipline is called for can actually make discipline more effective and help avoid power struggles and emotionally charged situations. Sounds good, right? But, is it easier said than done? We’ve all been told that we should avoid using words like “bad” and losing our tempers when our children misbehave, but it sure can be tough not to get angry, frustrated and emotional during … Continue reading →