Charts, Points, Stickers, Stars and Prizes

by Kori Rodley Irons | More from this Blogger

16 Jan 2007 09:29 AM

We have never had much luck with charts around our house. I know that some parents swear by them--and by the whole "rewards and positive feedback" way of motivating children. I guess they work for some families and kids for everything from completing homework, to brushing teeth, to getting out the door on time. But, charts and stickers and stars just never seemed to do the trick in our family...

I have to be completely honest, I'm sure part of the problem was my inability to manage them. With three kids, work, and all the marvelous realities and exciting activities that go with that family dynamic, I had trouble enough just getting through the day, let alone remembering whether or not things had been achieved that we could notate on the chart. Now, we definitely TRIED it-- designed crafty, colorful charts by hand, on the computer, and we even tried the dry erase board a time or two. But, if you were to ask my nearly-grown kids about our family and charts, they would not only laugh--but they'd have a few tales to tell about our family failings--and most of those tales would have Mom solidly taking the ultimate blame.

I guess we went more the immediate cause-and-effect, or what might more commonly be known as the "bribe-and-threat" method. As in: "If you all three behave while we're in the doctor's office, we'll go to the library after." Or, the more negative consequent spin: "Since you were all so naughty at the grocery store, we're going directly home and everyone's taking a nap!"

As for lessons of delayed gratification--which I think is one of the goals of charts and such, we tended to approach things on a more general, honor-system sort of way. For example, "If we get through two weeks without the school calling me, I'll take you out for lunch--your choice." We didn't need any chart to tell us if the school called or not and I trusted my own mind enough to figure I could keep track in my head.

I don't know--maybe if I had it to do over again, or if I had one child, I'd give the ole' chart, stars and stickers routine another chance. But, in reality, the way things went for us, it was more work than I could manage!

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