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The TENDER Approach to Communicating With Your Kids

Here’s a short quiz for you. What are the three possible outcomes when we attempt to communicate with our kids? According to Dr. Paul Coleman, they are: 1. The conversation will bring you closer to your kids. 2. The conversation will start an argument. 3. The conversation will lead to avoidance or withdrawal. Our goal is avoid number two. Of course, arguments are sometimes unavoidable; when this happens we have to make sure we clear the air before ending the conversation. Coleman discusses a communication plan called, TENDER. The TENDER method of communicating involves: Teaching – Involves instructing kids in … Continue reading →

Giving Our Kids Our Full Attention

My son’s a morning person; I’m not. Does this cause conflict? Most of the time it doesn’t. He wakes up all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and I can’t wake up without at least one cup of coffee. This morning was one of those mornings when he seemed especially luminescent and I was especially comatose. Not only did I not want to get up, I didn’t want to wake up. Tyler, on the other hand, was raring to go. First, he wanted to talk about a dream he had. A dream of our return to New Orleans. Then he wanted to talk … Continue reading →

Words You Should Use Every Day With Your Kids

In an earlie r blog,I wrote how parents should strive to always select appropriate words when communicating with their kids. Did you know there are certain words we should use with our kids every day? There are, according to Dr. Vera Lane and Dr. Dorothy Molyneaux, specialists in child-language development and family communication. Parents should strive to use the following phrases with their kids at least once a day. Thank you – Let’s kids know you appreciate their attempts to help others. Tell me more– Shows your kids you are interested in what they are talking about. You can do … Continue reading →

Conversing With Our Kids

Words have the power to heal or to hurt. The words we choose to utter have a profound effect on the recipient and on the sender. We should always strive to speak in positive terms. This is especially true of the words we speak to our kids. Not only words that we might throw out in anger but also words we use in our everyday conversation. I’m reading a book called Who Moved My BlackBerry? It’s a satirical look at the corporate world told entirely in a series of email and text messages. I thought it might be fun to … Continue reading →

Stranger Awareness: Is It Time for a Refresher Course?

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One of the biggest fears many parents have is that their child will fall victim to child abduction. That’s why we teach stranger awareness. We’ve all seen programs where parents are asked if their kids would go with a stranger where most answer with a loud and vehement “no”. Then we watch parents sit back and view a video of their child helping a “stranger” locate a puppy. We all think that our kids won’t go with strangers but the truth is many would. Especially since most strangers aren’t scary looking monsters, but your every day run of the mill … Continue reading →

Dinner Time Talk

It can be difficult to find the “right” time to talk about an issue. No one wants to start off their day having a serious discussion. Most of us don’t want to get into a heavy topic right when we walk in the door after work. And we might not be interested in conversing later on in the evening, when we finally get a chance to relax. So when does a couple find the time to talk? I think one of those is dinner time. Of course, if you have children and you need to discuss a marital issue, that … Continue reading →

Perception is Reality

I am the world’s biggest complainer. Just kidding. Sort of. Ok, not really. Well, maybe… but at least I am not in denial. Actually, I willingly admit to my fault and actively work to eliminate complaints from my conversations. But, it hasn’t always been this way. I’ve been a complainer since I was a teenager, but interestingly, I didn’t realize the extent of my bad habit until I became a parent. How many times have you done this: You and the rest of your clan gear up for a weekend getaway to the beach? Overall, the trip is pretty darn … Continue reading →

Meeting Joanna Campbell Slan

As any writer knows, it is always a great honor and privilege to meet an inspiring author who has touched your heart or life in some way. For me, that author is Joanna Campbell Slan, and after many years of enjoying her work and conversing with her occasionally online, I had the opportunity to meet her this past Thursday night. A couple of months ago, Joanna sent me a message on Facebook to see if I was planning on attending one of her book signings and sent me to a website where I could stalk find out where she was … Continue reading →

What Homeschoolers Should Know About the Universal PK Agenda

If you don’t know it, Universal PK is a push towards creating free, publicly funded preschools. In other words it’s public school for preschool aged kids. Doesn’t sound too bad right? The NEA loves to tout research on how kids who go to a good preschool tend to earn about $2000 more per year than kids who didn’t and all of these other benefits that kids who don’t go to preschool miss out on. But behind the Universal PK agenda, is a push towards lowering compulsory attendance laws. Fundamentally, the message to parents is: ‘You can’t do this. You’re not … Continue reading →

When a Child’s Questions Get HARD

I admit that I do have some nostalgia for those fun questions my children used to ask when they were tiny–questions about how bees find their way home and why both hot and cold water come out of the kitchen faucet. As children get older, if a parent has laid the groundwork of honesty and approachability, a child’s questions become increasingly difficult and can really stretch a parent’s brain power and sensitivity! I do believe in honesty and directness with children from the very beginning. I think if we give our children honest answers to their questions when they are … Continue reading →