Counting Out

by Myra Turner | More from this Blogger

You can file this one under the category of you learn something new every day. If you're like me, you've probably "counted out". That's when you tell your kids that you are going to count to three or five or ten and if they don't stop doing whatever you're going to do whatever. I found out yesterday that I was counting out wrong. Jeez, it never occurred to me that there was a right and wrong way to count to three. According to the current issue of the Family Education Network newsletter, there is indeed.

They point out that many parents use this method often but most use it incorrectly. They relate how referees in wrestling always count to ten, but parents aren't as consistent. Our kids never know what to expect. Will we count to ten or three? Will we lecture after each count or will we simple count without further comment? At first, I wondered why it would make a difference then I read on. In the article, it also points out that in order for the counting out technique to be effective in reducing bad behavior we have to be consistent. A child has to know how long they have to straighten up--"or else". And they have to know what the "or else" will be.

Here are some general guidelines for effectively counting out:

(1) When a negative behavior occurs, you should count one number. Each bad behavior earns one point. Make sure your child understands that the behavior is earning the point and thus the consequences. For example, if you son is torturing the cat you can tell him that if he continues to do so, he will have to go to time-out. Make sure you tell him what number you will count to. But again, you want to establish some consistency in advance. Always counting to three, for instance.

You don't have to count the same exact behavior. For example,

"That's one for pulling the cat's tail."

"That's two for kicking the cat", and so on until you get to designated number.

(2) As you count, hold up the appropriate number of fingers as you identify the behavior.

(3) When you reach the designated number, announce the consequences. "That's three for teasing your sister; you've earned yourself a time-out."

Are there times when you should not count out? Yes, for serious offenses like hitting, throwing toys, etc., you want to send your child to time-out (or another punishment) immediately.

See also:

Time-Out: What Counts as Quiet Time?

Is Your Method of Discipline Working?

The Naughty Stool

Learn more about Myra Turner

I'm a proud mid-life single mom with an active seven-year-old son, Tyler.

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