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Creating Child-friendly Homes

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Do you think about your kids when you are considering purchasing a home or when remodeling? You should, they are part of your family also and in doing so you send the message to your kids that you are glad they are living with you. At least that’s what ParentLife thinks. In their September 2005 issue, they offered the top 10 tips for a child-friendly home, they are: (1) If you are thinking of remodeling, ask your child for his opinion about décor. (2) Make sure each child has his own space. Even if sharing a room with a sibling, … Continue reading →

A Child’s Eye View of Parents

‘What are Moms and Dad for?’ was one of the questions our local paper asked kindergarten children recently. Their answers are interesting. One said ‘to take care of you.’ Another a said, ‘taking care of you and buying food for you,’ ‘For caring and sometimes helping with homework.’ But this answer saddened me. ‘They are for going to work and paying for things.’ It made me wonder what sort of home life this child had and how much he actually saw his parents. Now I admit I was a stay-at-home Mom. Mick and I decided early on I would stay … Continue reading →

Days and Days and Days of Rain

I live in the Pacific Northwest–the climate where I live is relatively mild and since I am down in the valley, so to speak, we don’t really get the snows and ice of more harsh winters. What we do get, however, is rain–we have been enduring days and days and days of rain, almost nonstop. Even for those of us who are used to it, all this rain can take its toll on a family… My son was pacing around the house this morning, ruminating on whether or not he wanted to get his rain gear on to go to … Continue reading →

Is it Time to Get Over Yourself?

I wrestled with how to title this blog—I want to write about how we can be our own worst enemies when it comes to recovering from a challenging time and achieving happiness and peace with our role as a single parent. I really do believe that we can hold ourselves back either by clinging to an identity as a victim or just letting our ego maintain a hold on us. At some point, it might be time to let go and get out of our way! I do not want to sound mean, and I am actually trying to inject … Continue reading →

Getting Through Those Times When Parenting Is NOT Emotionally Rewarding

Let’s face it, there are times when we feel really connected with our child or children and our parenting focus seems really crystal clear, then there are those other times when our kids are going through a challenging stage or we just seem distant and the parent-child relationship is anything but emotionally rewarding. Instead of getting overly frustrated or throwing in the towel, we can hang in there until the tide turns again… When my children were small, I never questioned the “what” of what I was getting out of being a parent. I felt incredibly connected and, in fact, … Continue reading →

Coping With Short-Tempers

When I started to write this, I was really thinking about KIDS with short tempers and what a challenge it can be on an otherwise peaceful household. But, then I realized that there are plenty of short-tempered parents out there too. In fact, sometimes our kids learn that temper tantrums are a reasonable way of expressing oneself from us parents! I decided to expand the blog to talk about short tempers and temper control all around as a family issue… Having a short-temper does NOT mean that a person has anger management issues. In fact, getting upset is normal and … Continue reading →

Are There Unresolved Problems?

I suppose it is pretty well known that it is not so much the problems and issues we know we need to work on that give us fits, it is the ones that we have nor or are not facing. When it comes to single parent families—there may be unresolved problems and issues coming from divorce, separation, death, or other realities that we haven’t completely dealt with and worked through. As long as those issues and problems are unresolved, we will have trouble getting on with building a healthy family… Putting things off or not facing all of our problems … Continue reading →

Watch Out for Shame

Shame is all about controlling—controlling emotions and behavior. We can fall into feeling shameful ourselves, or as parents we may resort to using shame or guilt to try to control our children. Shame is a vicious cycle and we can get stuck and trapped using shame and feeling shameful in our family life. The opposite of shame is acceptance (either of self or of others) and love and nurturing behaviors. Shame can be so sneaky and compulsive that we use it, feel it and access shameful feelings without even realizing it. The next thing we know, we feel badly, our … Continue reading →

Watch Out For The Unspoken Issues

While not all single parent families are formed by divorce–there are many that evolve because of the death of the other parent, or are formed by choice–when single parent families do come from a divorce situation, it can take years for the rift to heal and communication between the divorced parents to be healthy and optimal (in some families, it never happens.) It is the kids who suffer, however, and while you’re working through unfinished business, it is important to watch out for all those “unspoken” areas too. Just because you don’t talk about it, doesn’t mean that you’ve healed, … Continue reading →

Be Careful What You Wish For

How many times have you complained about the mess your kids make or wished for some peace and quiet? What about the countless other little annoyances our kids throw our way? Have you ever stopped and wondered what your life would be like without your kids? As parents, we wouldn’t trade the mess, noise, and tantrums for life without our kids. When we are bogged down in the daily trials of being a parent, we sometimes forget how empty our lives would be without our kids. We forget that there are many women out there who are trying desperately to … Continue reading →