Do Your Kids Actually KNOW What is Expected?

by Kori Rodley Irons | More from this Blogger

22 Jun 2007 08:19 AM

It seems to be human nature to make a lot of assumptions. We make assumptions about what we think other people should do and understand, and what is motivating the other people in our lives. As parents, we really can't afford to make assumptions when it comes to our children. You may think that they have been exposed to proper behavior and you have modeled and "trained" your kids as to what sort of behavior is expected when-but, in fact, they may NOT know what is expected. What we think is bad behavior, may just be ignorance or a misunderstanding.

I learned this lesson for the first time (I've had to have a few refresher courses) nearly twenty years ago when I was expecting my first biological child and also had just welcomed a four-year-old foster child into my home. Since I had never really parented before, and was starting out with a four-year-old, I was pretty attentive. I'd worked with kids and had some skills there so I applied some of my skills to foster parenting. Just about every place I took this sweet little girl was new to her. She'd never been to a McDonalds or a pizza parlor or a shopping mall. So, I would prepare her by telling her exactly what she could expect and what sort of behavior would be expected of her. I kept it simple-no loud talking, running, jumping, squealing-and let her know the things she COULD do instead. While she did falter sometimes when she was tired or cranky, overall her behavior was impeccable and she developed such pride in her ability to meet expectations.

Of course, I tend to expect MORE from my biological kids for some silly reason. But the truth is, when I prepare them as to what is expected and what will be required, they are much more likely to meet those expectations than if I just expect them to figure it out on their own. The more detailed, explicit and positive I can be, the better my kids respond.

See Also: Either/Or Choices for Children

I'd Like a Situation Room Too

How Good Are You At Setting Limits?

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