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Getting Through Those Times When Parenting Is NOT Emotionally Rewarding

Let’s face it, there are times when we feel really connected with our child or children and our parenting focus seems really crystal clear, then there are those other times when our kids are going through a challenging stage or we just seem distant and the parent-child relationship is anything but emotionally rewarding. Instead of getting overly frustrated or throwing in the towel, we can hang in there until the tide turns again… When my children were small, I never questioned the “what” of what I was getting out of being a parent. I felt incredibly connected and, in fact, … Continue reading →

Mirroring and Validation—a Parent’s Tools

I often write about communication as it pertains to parenting. I think that being able to communicate well with our kids is a key element in being an effective parent. Not only can we build strong relationships with our children, but we are also modeling strong communication skills and developing skills and techniques we can use in all sorts of other areas of our lives. Mirroring and validation are two communicating techniques that are very well-suited to parenting. Mirroring is when we “send back” to our kids the message that we understand what they are saying or trying to tell … Continue reading →

Emotional Mirroring

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Children often have a hard time understanding what they are feeling. Parents can help by using a technique called emotional mirroring. When we look in a mirror, we see our reflection staring back at us, exactly as it is without any added flattery or faults, according to Dr. Haim Ginott. We don’t expect our mirror to start talking to us (unless you’re living in a fairytale), commenting on how bad we look. We may not like what we see but we want to make the decisions about changing the way we look. When it comes to our kids emotions, they … Continue reading →

Can Pets Sense Our Emotions?

I’ve always believed that animals are sensitive to emotions — in their owners, in new people they meet, maybe even in other animals. But if you try to go looking for proof, you get a whole lot of anecdotal evidence. I am pretty sure that my dogs recognize tone of voice — and that is often related to emotion. They know the difference between my play voice and my serious voice (the one that says “go in the house now, we’re done fooling around and trying to find cats in the landscaping!”) For the record, they listen better to the … Continue reading →

Parents as Mirrors for our Kids

I wrote earlier today about the wonderful gift of “mirroring” that our children can provide for us—the way that their very existence in the intimate places of our lives can serve as an illumination to our individuality—both flaws and fabulous uniqueness. As I was writing that, I realized that we parents serve an important mirroring function for our children as well… Myra wrote several months ago about “emotional mirroring”—how we can consciously reflect emotions back for our children to help them learn how to act appropriately, but I do think we can serve as mirrors for our children in many … Continue reading →

Our Children as Mirrors

I often write about how parenting has expanded my life in more ways than I ever dreamt possible. One of the ways that parenting has changed me and my life is that my children have served as mirrors for me—mirrors of my values, my personal communication style, my flaws and mistakes. Sometimes, I see things in myself because of how my children parrot my sayings and philosophies and other times, I can see myself in my children glaring back at me. While we are busy trying to guide and shape our children, many of us discover that our children serve … Continue reading →

We Don’t Get to Choose Their Personalities

Okay, confession time–when you imagined yourself as a parent, nurturing your little bundle of joy–did you imagine a child just like the one you have? For those of us who have more than one, perhaps we “knew” that we would have a house full of various personalities but chances are, we didn’t exactly imagine what we got. I think the Universe or God or whatever you choose to call it, has a way of sending us the children and personalities that we NEED–not necessarily those that we would choose for ourselves. I remember before I had my children, I would … Continue reading →

Do We Always Have to Give an Explanation?

With three teenagers, we’ve pretty much outgrown the “because I said so” stage. I cannot get away with barking instructions and orders without offering a logical explanation to go along with it—which my kids respond to in various ways. I have to admit, however, that those logical explanations are not always enough and sometimes, what I say just has to be… Here is the general “formula” that I have developed: I offer a logical explanation first, not as a justification, but as a matter of fact. “I have decided that you can go to the party on Friday night as … Continue reading →

The Relation Between Moodiness and Boredom

I am of the opinion that there is a direct link between boredom and all sorts of troublesome behaviors when it comes to our kids! There, I’ve said it. I really do think that a bored child can get in all sorts of trouble—from picking arguments and fights, teasing, making messes, and getting into a moody funk. I don’t necessarily think that it is our job as parents to keep our children perpetually entertained—but it might help to just understand the correlation between boredom and moodiness (and other behaviors). Of course, some of us have a higher tolerance for boredom … Continue reading →

Arguing Means Giving Up Power

Okay, I know that many of us have learned that we need to stick up for ourselves and stand our ground–but when it comes to parenting, getting into verbal tussles and arguments with our kids is a sure-fire way to send them the message that we’ve lost our cool, we’ve lost our power and that they are able to “get to us”… None of us is perfect and I know that I find myself arguing with my kids far more often than I would like. I know full well that is it unproductive and that I am really just expressing … Continue reading →