Search Results for: blog expecting kids to be reactionary

Expecting Kids to Be Reactionary

When I think back to how I formed my identity and my understanding of myself in my growing up years, I realize that a great deal of it was in direct reaction to my parents. As an adolescent, many of my core decisions were made based on doing the opposite of what my parents did! I wanted to be my own person and all I knew was that my “own person” had to be completely different from who they were. I think we have to expect that our children will start to formulate their own identities based on trying to … Continue reading →

Celebrating Little Victories and Advancements

Family life can be somewhat lacking in major breakthroughs—especially when it comes to a child’s developmental stages. I’ve learned over the years that wholesale changes are few and far between and that it is the little advancements, the little developmental steps and leaps that I need to cling to and celebrate (mostly just to keep me from feeling like my kids will be living with me until their forty!)… As example, this past weekend, my youngest son was actually up at a reasonable hour asking if we couldn’t have a “family breakfast” on Sunday. Now this might seem pretty common … Continue reading →

Things Tend to Move in Cycles

One of the realities of family life, relationships, and parenting that doesn’t often get coverage is that things tend to move in cycles. This can be reassuring when we remind ourselves that nothing goes on indefinitely and our children will move out of phases just as they moved into them! Sometimes, instead of getting all embroiled in the latest crisis–all we have to do is wait it out and soon the wheel has turned and we’ve moved into something else. This is where a healthy dose of detachment and perspective can come in handy. Now, I am not saying that … Continue reading →

What Can Be Avoided?

Have you ever heard that the best way to cope with a disaster is to avoid it? How about “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure?” When it comes to parenting, the same rules of nature apply. Instead of finding yourself in the throws of temper tantrums and bad behavior with your child, it often makes more sense to figure out the causes and avoid it… I know that we parents don’t always see the behavior issues coming, in fact, that is one of the “joys” of parenthood–how much of a surprise every day can be. But, … Continue reading →

The Good and Bad of “It Runs In The Family”

Heredity is a funny thing–and I am not just talking about genetic inheritance either–but all those quirks, personality traits, tendencies, and values that tend to run in families. It does not even have to be a biological relation. Each family has its own “culture”–just like a work environment, church, or community–and it can be interesting to look over both the good and the bad of what sort of things run in the family… One of my daughters said once that “divorce runs in my family”–with grandparents and great-grandparents and her own parents, she was right in noticing that she doesn’t … Continue reading →

Can We Have a Little More Optimism, Please?

Unless I’m really dragging in the depths of despair—which doesn’t happen very often, I can be an annoyingly optimistic person. My kids have not always been on board with all that optimism and part of their adolescent rebellion has been to counter all my optimism with huge wet blankets of negativity. I’m not sure how much of their negative griping is reactionary, how much is to spite me, and how much is just typical teenage stuff. I’m hoping that none of it is “nature” as I seem to remember they were all three a little peppier and less doom and … Continue reading →