Explaining The Concept of Death To A Young Child

by Myra Turner | More from this Blogger

My best friend's grandmother died last week and I found myself having to talk to my son about death. He has a vague concept of death like most five-year olds but this was really the first time someone he knew well died. As I was talking to him and trying to explain to him that grandma, which is what we called her, was not coming back I realized I was having a hard time. Although I certainly understand the concept I guess even at my age I still have a hard time dealing myself when someone close to me dies, even someone like grandma who lived to a ripe old age, as they say.

It's inevitable at some point you will need to talk to your child about death. If you find yourself having to deal with this hard task, specifically if you have young children, there are a few important things to remember.

For starters, try to explain death in terms a child can understand. Since young kids take what you say literal don't use euphemisms. Don't say the person "went away" or the family "lost" grandma. Young children will say they understand but then come back later and ask when grandma is coming back. You have to make sure they understand that the person is no longer breathing or able to talk, walk, eat, etc.

Also remember that young children have short attention spans and grieve differently than adults or older children. It's normal for a child to cry one minute and play outside the next. Allow them to grieve in their own way. Tyler seemed genuinely upset one minute and wanted to know why the doctors could not fix her and then was running down the hall slithering like a snake two minutes later.

Death is even more confusing thanks to TV. Kids see an actor get blown up or their face riddled with bullets in one movie and then lo and behold they are alive and well in another one the following week.

The decision to take your young child to a funeral is up to you and your child. Explain what happens during the service and allow your child to decide what they want to do. To some it might be a bit scary especially if people are crying. Let the child know that the dead person will be there in a special box called a casket but they will not be able to see or hear what's going on but people will be able to say goodbye to the person who died. I remember the first time I saw a dead person I was frightened and really to this day I will attend services but generally skip viewing the body. Don't force a child to view the body unless they really want to. Also if your child elects to go to the funeral be prepared to leave if they become upset and want to go.

Death is one of those things we can't shield our children from. But we can be there for them and offer emotional support when they need it.

Learn more about Myra Turner

I'm a proud mid-life single mom with an active seven-year-old son, Tyler.

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