Fostering Empathy

by Kori Rodley Irons | More from this Blogger

We all crave empathy--unconditional understanding, someone to "get" what we are experiencing, going through, or feeling from our point of view. Empathy is different from sympathy which is more of a distant, "Oh, you poor thing!" commiseration. Empathy is really an "I've been there, I'm with you"--entering another person's world and truly developing an understanding of an experience or emotion.

In order for us to teach our children the skills and emotional intelligence necessary to create and share true empathy, we have to learn how to foster and model empathy ourselves as parents. This is much easier said than done! I think the biggest challenge in letting myself be available to be truly empathetic is quieting my own reactions and "inner conversations" going on when faced with someone else's cry for understanding and empathy. Empathy requires that we be totally present in an unconditional, nonjudgmental way. That can be really tough!

As parents, it can be hard to resist the urge to teach, lecture, offer advice or try to dissuade our kids from a specific feeling or interpretation. We want to say, "There's no monsters under the bed! There's nothing to be afraid of!" We want to share our wisdom and an hard-earned knowledge to try to spare them their own painful experiences, or we just don't feel we have the time to truly enter into their world and be empathetic.

When we are empathetic, we are in a place where we're not trying to change or influence our child's mind or feelings, we're not trying to figure out why they are feeling or doing what they're doing or even why something happened. Empathy means actually stepping in and walking around in our child's shoes. By learning how to show and share empathy--with our words and our totally present body language--we not only help our children develop strength and a sense of self-esteem, but we also model and teach them how to be empathetic for others.

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