Giving In to Everything a Child Wants

by Kori Rodley Irons | More from this Blogger

Many parents think that if they give in to a child it is a good way of avoiding things like fits, temper tantrums and disagreements. The truth is, there is a big difference between coming up with solid and creative ways to avoid power struggles and spoiling a child by giving in to every little thing that he or she wants.

I have met parents who were convinced that they did not "spoil" their child because they did not spend a lot of money or buy the child expensive gifts. At the same time, they were giving in whenever the child threw a tantrum and catering to their every desire when it came to food, choice of activities, etc. They may think that they are keeping the peace and avoiding conflict, but they may just be creating a monster child who is ill-prepared to cope in the real world.

Our children need to learn how to handle disappointment and cope with hearing the word "no." Life is not an easy walk in the park and they are going to come up against many obstacles. Resiliency is measured by how capable a person is of being flexible and coping with those disappointments without falling apart. As parents, we can help our children build up their capacity for handling disappointments by NOT giving in to every little thing that the child wants. There is a big difference between wants and needs and helping our children to understand that may be an unpleasant task as parents--but incredibly necessary. Children who have been given everything they ask for and everything they want end up self-centered and self-absorbed and unable to face life's challenges. A parent may not think that he is spoiling a child by giving in, but he is really not doing the child any favors.

Also: Why I 'Spoil' My Babies

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