How Important is it to Keep the Peace?

by Kori Rodley Irons | More from this Blogger

04 May 2007 05:32 PM

There have been periods in my parenting life when I felt like I was doing little more than just working to keep the peace--providing a mediator between my kids, my kids and their father, my kids and the school--you name it, I was the designated peacekeeper. But, I can't help but wonder how important it is that I actually work so hard in an attempt to keep the peace?

I guess it is obvious that living in a peaceful, harmonious home is far more important to me than it is to anyone else in my family. It took me years to realize that they were actually getting something out of all the conflict and that it really did serve some sort of purpose. While my role as peacekeeper sometimes made a difference, other times it didn't really seem to and my kids eventually became much more adept at working through their disagreements and issues without my intervention than with it.

And, those of us with more than one child know for a fact that sometimes kids just raise a ruckus in order to create drama, get attention, or generate something interesting in their environment. By stepping in to keep the peace, I know that I gave them the desired result they were looking for. I had to learn that walking away often created peace sooner than if I stepped in and started mediating. Boy, was that a tough lesson!

Several years ago, I decided that instead of affecting behavior, I could create peaceful "zones" and "times" in my world. I couldn't really control what everyone else was doing, but I could have rooms in my house that were off limits to fighting, and set aside times of the day to deal with calls from the Ex, the school, etc. This way, I could have some control over the peace level in my family (that I was craving so much), and let go of trying to always be the one person keeping that peace.

See Also: Focusing on Problems or Solutions and Keeping OUT of the Middle

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