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14 Mar 2008 03:51 PM

How Many Reminders?

by Kori Rodley Irons | More from this Blogger

I find reminders and reminding to be one of those grey areas of parenting--do we remind our children until they do what we need them to? Do we put a limit on how many times we are going to remind them? Is there a grace period? Do we mix it up and use notes, signs, and verbal reminders? What is the right way to go about managing and issuing those annoying reminders?

The best advice I ever heard was from an experienced mom who suggested getting to a detached place where I could remind my kids without getting emotional or aggravated. Unfortunately for me, I am not often able to be that Zen about things--especially now that my children are older. By the third reminder, I am starting to get darn annoyed and am tempted to just do it myself. It is still great advice. Her claim was that if the parent is able to stay detached and simply remind, remind, remind--it will be the child who gets annoyed and finally decides to just do it and he will start to do things sooner to avoid getting all those reminders.

Another suggestion is to give a time limit and a consequence up front: "I need you to take the garbage out by the time I get home this evening or you will lose telephone privileges for the night." By being so thorough, you might avoid having to remind, but you have to be willing to enforce the consequences.

Lastly, one approach I heard from a parent is to mix up your requests and reminders. For example, ask the first time with a verbal request, then make the next reminder be a note, or an e-mail, or get creative in the different ways you remind. Just shaking things up might make it more likely the child remembers and does what has been asked.

Do you have any other suggestions for how to handle reminders? How many are too many? Is there a point where there are consequences to having to put in so much parental time? Any ideas you can share?

Also: Make a Calendar, Chore Board or Schedule

Limit-setting Steps to Get Started

Learn more about Kori Rodley Irons

Kori is a single parent of three older teenagers--two in college and one still in high school.

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