Hurt Feelings and Rejectionby Myra Turner | More from this Blogger 26 Feb 2007 11:05 AM In a recent poll conducted by Child Magazine, 71% of respondents oppose policies that are designed to protect a child's feelings of rejection. This includes not keeping scores at sporting events and giving all players, not just the winners, trophies. This was the first time I had heard of such a policy and I must say I am shocked that such a policy would exist. Rejection is a part of life and kids have to learn to deal with it. Are we doing our kids a disservice by not preparing them for the real world? In a word, "yes". Remember the saying, "It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game?" If we teach our kids that doing their best is what really matters, why should their feeling be hurt if they lose? And what about the actual winners, what message does it send to them? The summer before Hurricane Katrina, Tyler played softball and he received a trophy at the end of the season. However, the trophy was for participating not for winning (or not winning). The winning teams received much-deserved, bigger trophies and that's the way it should be. Everything we teach or kids from the time they are born should be preparation for the real world. And rejection is about as real world as you can get. What's going to happen when your child goes in for a job interview and he does not get the job, how will he deal with the rejection? Or what about not getting into the college of their choice, or getting the boy or girl of their dreams? As adults, we face rejection daily. As a writer, I know all too well the face of rejection. Sometimes I wonder why I bother to do this, day in and day out. When you send a query to an editor, you might get an assignment or you might get a rejection letter. It's something you learn to deal with and you don't take it personal. If you do, you will never get enough work to survive because you won't want to keep putting yourself out there for fear of being rejected. So, if your kids are going to participate in a sporting event, I think they have to learn to deal with rejection. I think that scores should be kept and I think trophies and ribbons should be given to the winners. If trophies and ribbons are given to everyone they should be different. That's my opinion. Yours? See also: Teaching Your Kids To Lose Gracefully Parents Behave Yourself On The Sidelines Learn more about Myra Turner  I'm a proud mid-life single mom with an active seven-year-old son, Tyler. Relevantparenting tags User Comments Meltowne (1120) 01 Mar 2007 09:50 AMI think it really depends on the age, and the emphasis of the program. I was on the board of our local soccer program. For the 3 lowest age froups (4/5, 6/7, and 8/9YO) we awarded medals or trophies to all participants. We had awarded them to older groups as well, but the kids didn't really do much with them, so we stopped. As a recreational leage, we kept score of the games, but no standings. If the score got out of hand, we stopped keeping score. None of the older kids get awards - if they are good enough, they can try out for the competitive league, where they may or may not win awards. Our softball league had a similar policy - younger children get awards because the point of those divisions is to learn the game. The older kids compete for awards - because they are at a level where competition has meaning, and where they can all contribute in a meaningful way. At the younger ages, luck plays as much a role in the score as skill, and I don't believe in rewarding luck. For then, we're starting organized sports way younger than when we were kids, and they don't need the distration of "competition," and the coaches need to know their teem will be rewarded, no matter how they do - or they will be tempted to only play the better players, and widen the skill gap even more at such an early age. Community Tags hurt feelings, rejection, winners and losers Discuss this article
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