Identifying Whose "Problem" it Isby Kori Rodley Irons | More from this Blogger 17 Dec 2007 10:18 PM I do not know about your child or children, but mine can get pretty good at manipulating situations and trying to make their problems and issues seem like they are actually mine. As a parent, it can help us to figure out how to respond to our children if we first identify whose "problem" it is-claiming our part and NOT claiming the stuff that actually belongs to our kids. My sister-in-law has a phrase that she uses with her kids when they are trying to make their issues her problem. She will say: "This sounds like a personal problem"-it is usually said with a smile and/or a wink, but it is her gentle way of letting them know that she is not going to take it on. Just because our children are unhappy or think that we should do this or that for them-does not necessarily mean that is the best thing for us to do. Letting them face and solve their own problems whenever possible, as well as learn how to claim their own issues (instead of trying to push them off onto someone else) are healthy things we parents can do to teach our children how to stand on their own feet. I cannot speak for dads, but I do think that sometimes moms are a dumping ground for a child's frustrations and emotions. They don't know what else to do so they decide to try to make us take care of whatever might be bothering them. Babies and small children really do need us to often step in and solve their problems for them, but as children get older, we can teach them how to take responsibility for their own frustrations and emotions by being compassionate and understanding-but NOT taking on their problems as though they are our own. At the same time, we can work at not blaming our children or taking out our frustrations-on them. Also: When They Say They Don't Care--It Often Means They Do Imagine Things From Your Child's Perspective Learn more about Kori Rodley Irons  Bio has been removed by administrator Relevantparenting tags User Comments No comments on this article yet. Be the first to comment! Community Tags boundaries, manipulation, problems Discuss this article
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