Is My Child Really Mean?

by Kori Rodley Irons | More from this Blogger

29 Jun 2008 12:10 PM

Biting, scratching, hair-pulling and general tantrums and tussles-what parent does not wonder if this is typical preschool behavior or if their child really is mean or a bully? It can be overwhelmingly upsetting when these aggressive behaviors appear and a parent has every right to worry about whether it is behaviors that will be outgrown, or whether the child really does have a mean streak.

As parents, we know that aggression and violence are not to be tolerated. It can be surprising when a toddler or preschool starts using these aggressive behaviors in the home, day care or school situation. It can be tempting to try to rationalize them as behaviors that were learned from other kids, to make excuses for the behaviors, to justify them by saying that the child is only defending him or herself, and to try to ignore them and hope they go away. On the other side of the coin or situation is the fear that the child may in fact be mean or be a bully and what parent wants to think this about their own child?

As you work to curb the behaviors and teach your child that physical violence is never acceptable, try to keep things in perspective. If you are truly worried that your child is mean, watch closely to see what motivates the behaviors. Talk to teachers, child care providers and other parents to get their honest take and try to evaluate if your child acts out more in one situation than another. It may be that your child is being influenced or is overly tired or stressed.

If these aggressive behaviors continue into the school-age years and a child does not learn how to solve problems or influence others without being violent or aggressive, it may be time to see a therapist or counselor and start to evaluate why these are the preferred coping strategies for the child. While it may be common for a 2 year-old to slap and bite to try to get her way, it is not typical behavior for an eight year-old.

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