Let's Get Down to the Bottom of This

by Kori Rodley Irons | More from this Blogger

20 Oct 2007 10:17 PM

In a busy, hectic family, we parents are often treating "symptoms"--we are often so busy that we just have to respond to whatever behaviors are right in front of our faces. Unfortunately, those behaviors can get worse or more prevalent (or lead to other behaviors) if we don't actually get down to what is going on BEHIND the symptoms...

I have found that I often do not gain insight into what is really going on "in the moment." It is sort of like triage--I have to deal with the behavior at the time it is happening--either by ignoring, redirecting or setting some very firm limits and expectations, and then it is only later when I am able to think through what is going on for my child that I can start to figure out what is going on. I imagine there are more perceptive parents out there who can figure things out faster--but for me, I am seldom able to think and see clearly when I'm in the midst of some unsavory behavior or situation. I have to get my emotions and reactions in check so that I can see the big picture.

For me as a parent, it is only when I can put all the pieces together, maybe even have a conversation with a friend or do some meditation that I am able to start to dig into what sort of issues the behaviors are masking or an expression of. But, I have learned that just treating and responding to the symptoms--the attention-seeking or acting out behaviors--does not get the job done. They are only an expression of what is going on deep down for the child, and it takes getting down to the bottom of things in order to make lasting change and deal with what is really going on.

Also: Sometimes There is More of a Reward for Misbehavior Than Good Behavior

Do Your Kids Actually Know What is Expected?

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