Search Results for: blog letting them really be teenagers

Can They Really Ask You Anything? AND, is That What You Want?

When I talk to parents of young children, many will share that they want a relationship with their children where the kids can “ask them anything.” Talk to parents of teenagers, however, and they might just as likely say something like “there are things I just don’t want to know.” Building and maintaining an open line of communication with our child takes commitment and an openness to dealing with whatever comes, no matter how uncomfortable it might be. If we want our children to feel free to talk to us about anything, then we need to figure out how to … Continue reading →

Despite Appearance, They Really Do Want Structure

It might seem obvious that little children need and want structure and organization surrounding their lives–but it can become less obvious as kids get older. The way they push against those limits and seem to embrace mess and chaos can cause us to believe that they really don’t want the structure and organization we parents impose. But, the truth is–even those teenagers who are telling us to “loosen up” and “butt out” really do want structure and organization–they are just trying to learn how to do some it themselves. I think we humans strive to make order and structure out … Continue reading →

Would I Watch Over Them ALL The Time If I Could?

When my children were little, I really did want to be a guardian angel following them everywhere they went. I can remember how much I would actually ache when I’d have to be away from the three of them when they were tiny—even if it was just for one over night. Somewhere around the time my kids hit adolescence, I started to feel a bit differently. While I definitely still worry and fuss about them when I don’t know what they are up to, I don’t suppose I want to actually SEE and KNOW everything that they do now! I … Continue reading →

Older Teens Really DON’T Come with Parenting Manuals

When I was a new parent, I could find dozens of books—hundreds of books—that were geared toward helping me figure out how to quiet a colicky baby, what to expect in terms of child development and all sorts of other parenting tips and tools. They were abundant and I probably turned to those books and manuals on a daily basis in those early years. Now that my kids are nearly grown, I seem to be on my own. The shelves at the book store are pretty sparse when it comes to parenting books… Sure there are books on troubled teens … Continue reading →

Letting Them Really “BE” Teenagers

Teenagers have a way of making you forget they are still kids. Sometimes, they can seem so self-composed, so wise, so responsible, that you forget that they are not already solid adults. They’re not. One door-slamming temper tantrum or an “I forgot” and you’ll come crashing back to reality. The fact is, we have to let our kids really BE teenagers—not kids, and definitely not adults. I try to talk to and treat my teens “as if” they are adults. This doesn’t mean that I am in any way fooled into thinking they are already there in terms of maturity … Continue reading →

Letting Our Kids do Things On Their Own

This blog subject came to me on Sunday at the annual Easter egg hunt. Since my children are all part of the “older generation” of teenagers (as my daughter called them), they really aren’t part of the little ones who head out with baskets and bags to hunt the eggs. Instead, they make up the clean-up crew who go around and gather up all the eggs the littler ones miss. So, my teen daughters and I sat on a bench as watched as the under 8-year-old group of cousins and nieces and nephews trundled off in their rubber boots through … Continue reading →

Letting Go of the Past–Refraining From Bringing up Ancient History

Anger, rage, and frustration can all be hard emotions to wrangle. Often, because our attachment to our children is so strong, they have the ability to bring out some of the strongest and most intense emotions possible in us–and this can be a real impediment to parenting and solid, productive communication. One challenging communication blocker is when we bring up long past behaviors or actions when we’re trying to make a point or communicate with our child. It can be really tough (and SO important) to leave ancient history in the past where it belongs. Even rather young children resent … Continue reading →

Rough Ride: The Roller Coaster of Adolescence

Few things strike fear into the heart of parents more than the approaching adolescence of their children. They’ve heard horror stories from family and friends, and they dread the fear of the unknown and how it’s going to go with their own kids. Will that happy-go-lucky child turn into some sort of a sullen monster? Will the childhood skirmishes of yesterday turn into open warfare? Will the days of having their friends over all the time turn into years of going out to be with friends somewhere else? Most of us can remember feeling awkward, unattractive, anxious, and overwhelmed as … Continue reading →

School Store Helps Kids Learn Important Life Skills

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A school in Arizona is doing something really interesting in order to help students who are in the special needs program to learn much needed skills. They have created a school store where other students can purchase inexpensive and interesting school supplies. This is a great opportunity for kids to practice socials skills and to learn life skills. Kids who have certain kinds of special needs, (such as ADHD, or an autism spectrum disorder), struggle with social skills. Many special needs programs will include lessons on the proper way to respond to certain social situations, as well as a way … Continue reading →

When Teens Don’t Share Everything

Some recent events that have unfolded in my home have opened my eyes to some truths that while they may not be easy to accept, they are part of raising teenagers. It is the belief that your teens will share everything going on in their world. I guess I really thought I had the market on this one but apparently not. One of the things that both my husband and I have strived to do in our home is to create a safe, secure refuge. That means our children can trust us, even when it means telling us the hard … Continue reading →