Listening to Your Kidsby Myra Turner | More from this Blogger 06 Mar 2007 12:16 PM "Mama, I wanna tell you something." This seems to be Tyler's mantra. I hear it from the time he gets home from school until he closes his eyes for bed. There's always some fascinating "Did you know...?" story he wants to share with me. At times it can be hard to listen to him all the time, especially when I'm trying to work but I try to give him a few minutes of attention, listen to what he has to say, and then continue with what I was doing. "A mother who listens shows her children they matter", says Michele Borba, Ed.D, in her book, 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know. She offers fours steps to listening with "full presence". They are: (1) Stop everything else- When your child wants or needs you, "put down the cell phone, turn off the TV, get off the computer, let the pasta boil," says Borba. Then get eye to eye with your child and really listen to what they have to say. Don't interrupt or offer any opinion, just listen. Sometimes kids aren't looking for advice from you, simply listening and being silent can be very affirming. (2) Offer encouragement- When your child has finished, let him know that you are interested in what he has just told you (and that you were really listening) by repeating a few key words. (3) Acknowledge their feelings- Let your child know that they have your full attention by showing them that you recognize when they are frustrated, sad, unhappy, etc. (4) Offer reassurance- Finally, end the conversation with a supporting phrase ("I hope things work out.") or a phrase that shows appreciation ("Thank you for sharing that with me.") and then wait to see if your child needs anything else. As busy parents, sometimes it's hard to give kids our full attention. However, when you think about it, it really takes just a few minutes to stop what you are doing and listen to what your kids have to say. Kids have a way of acting out in order to get our attention. Wouldn't it be much easier to give them the attention they crave by listening rather than having them seek our attention in inappropriate ways? See also: How to Use Consequences to Change Behavior How to Get Your Kids to Listen to You An Easy Solution to Attention-seeking Behavior Learn more about Myra Turner  I'm a proud mid-life single mom with an active seven-year-old son, Tyler. Relevantparenting tags User Comments  Lyn Newton (3966) 06 Mar 2007 02:11 PMYour article also holds true for teachers. All day long, the students are wanting to tell me something. Sometimes in my hetic day, I do not give them the attention that they deserve. It is amazing how the eyes of a child will light up when you are enthuisastic about what they have to say. Good advice!! parentwonder (30) 27 Mar 2007 11:15 PMTrust me, it's important to stop what you're doing and pay attention to your kid when they talk to you. Don't argue, just listen and acknowledge. This is not only true for kids. Why? Don't we adults want to be treated that way - being listened to by someone? Especially wives :-) This is an ageless principle that we tend to forget after we become parents. Remember this: You can multi-task in your business but don't ever do this with people. Thanks Myra for this piece of reminder. Community Tags attention, feelings, listening Discuss this article
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