Mirroring and Validation-a Parent's Toolsby Kori Rodley Irons | More from this Blogger 03 Jul 2007 07:34 PM I often write about communication as it pertains to parenting. I think that being able to communicate well with our kids is a key element in being an effective parent. Not only can we build strong relationships with our children, but we are also modeling strong communication skills and developing skills and techniques we can use in all sorts of other areas of our lives. Mirroring and validation are two communicating techniques that are very well-suited to parenting. Mirroring is when we "send back" to our kids the message that we understand what they are saying or trying to tell us. We are basically reflecting back to them what they have been trying to say or show us. This lets our children know that we are present and are actually connecting with them. We "get" what they are trying to say. This is important and parents can do this rather easily by paraphrasing or saying back to the child what has been said. With really young children, you can be the one who verbalizes their actions: "I see that when you throw things and stomp like that you must be really angry that you didn't get to have a cookie." The more non-emotional and calmly you can mirror your child's words and behaviors, the better. Validation is another great communicating tool because it is a way of letting go of our own opinions and value judgments and just letting our kids know that we can appreciate where they are coming from. I think that nothing can shut down communication faster (whether it is with our children, coworkers, partners, whoever) than when we interpret and push our own agenda onto someone who is trying to share his. When we tell our children that they are not feeling what they think they are or that their interpretation is wrong, we are not openly communicating. Validation means that we let them know we hear them and we acknowledge and appreciate their point of view-without trying to change or erase their perspective. Developing your communication skills just gives you more tools to use as a parent-and I think that communicating well keeps us in touch with our kids and helps us to be better parents! See Also: Why Threats and Ultimatums Don't Work Expressing Wants and Feelings--Or Complaining? Learn more about Kori Rodley Irons  Bio has been removed by administrator Relevantparenting tags User Comments No comments on this article yet. Be the first to comment! Community Tags communication, listening, validation Discuss this article
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