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Don’t Understand Kids? Fake It!

I admit it here and now that I do NOT always understand why my kids do what they do or what their motivations or inner workings are. Sometimes, I do and sometimes I can at least see inklings and smidges of what is going on inside their heads and inner-persons. But, I’ve learned over the years that they really do need me to “get them”—even when they say they don’t. So, when I’m not entirely sure what’s going on, I’ve learned to try to fake it. I think that our children need us to be and stay in control. Of … Continue reading →

Validation

Validation is a good thing. Sometimes all you need to hear to succeed is that you’re on the right path or that you’ve done something astounding or amazing or promising. Sometimes that is all you need to really get yourself motivated to do something even better. Sometimes that’s all you need to take the next step from being interested in a subject to devoting yourself to it. The person that pushes you to that next step is most likely a great teacher but it could also be a peer, friend, neighbor, parent, relative, or stranger. I can remember each of … Continue reading →

As a Parent, Are You Overly-Sensitive? (Or Not Sensitive Enough?)

I have a tendency to take things personally–or at least I used to. I imagine that twenty years of being in the parenting trenches has toughened my skin a bit. Now, I occasionally feel as though I am lacking sensitivity and being a big too jaded when interacting with my kids. I suppose the goal is to achieve some balance between being sensitive to our children’s feelings and needs (and our own) and not being so sensitive we are unable to make objective choices and decisions. We can become overly enmeshed with our children and so sensitive that we take … Continue reading →

How Many Agendas Are We Juggling Here?

I have got an agenda. I’ve got a work agenda, a personal agenda, and I most definitely have a Mom agenda. That ought to be enough agendas for one household, but throw in three more humans and we’ve got agenda-mania going on around here. I have to remind myself of that fact when I’m wondering why things aren’t running as smoothly as I think they should! I think dueling agendas can be blamed for all sorts of family issues. After all–we want our child to pick up his room and get home on time, but he has other challenges and … Continue reading →

Don’t Take It Personally

Rule number 853 of parenting: Don’t Take Things Personally! Okay, maybe it should be in the top ten of rules for parents, but learning how to not take the things your child says and does personally is one of the major challenges that I’ve wrestled with over the years. After all, it’s pretty darn hard not to take something like “I hate you!” to heart… The fact is, as soon as children are able to talk, they will start complaining and saying unpleasant things and it often feels like they are taking all of their frustrations out on the closest … Continue reading →