Parental Dilemma: Big Birthday Parties for Little Kids

by Michele Cheplic | More from this Blogger

14 Feb 2009 11:22 PM

With the economy in the dumpster, families around the world are keeping a very close eye on spending. But, what do you do when it's your child's birthday? It's not as though you can overlook such a momentous occasion.

My 4-year-old just got an invitation to her friend's birthday party... along with the rest of her class. The party is being held at a local roller rink and lunch will be provided. I'm sure my daughter will have a blast... along with the other 25 kids from her class.

Her having a good time is not what I am worried about. My concern is that my daughter's birthday is coming up and I wonder whether I will now have to invite her entire class to celebrate. It's not easy to fit that many children into an average sized house. Fifteen, maybe... but 25 to 30 would be out of the question.

This dilemma could be easily solved if it were not for the fact that I fear someone in her class would get his/her feelings hurt by not receiving an invite. What's more, there's a sense of obligation (on my part) to invite every kid that has extended an invitation to my daughter on his or her big day.

In presenting this dilemma to my friends I have received many suggestions, including:

The number of guests should coincide with the child's age. For example, if your birthday boy is turning 5 he can invite 5 kids to his party.

Make it a girls-only party. By having a tea party or princess theme you're off the hook when it comes to inviting boys. (The only problem: My daughter has just as many boy BFFs as girl ones.)

Suck it up. Rent out a bigger venue, fill it with inexpensive decorations and affordable food, and chock it up to parenting in the 21st century.

So, do you invite the whole class when it's time to party or have you been brave enough to set a guest limit?

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Learn more about Michele Cheplic

Michele Cheplic was born and raised in Hilo, Hawaii, but now lives in Wisconsin. Michele graduated from the University of Wisconsin-Madison with a degree in Journalism.

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Beckard (151) 15 Feb 2009 01:08 PM

I like the suggestion that you turn it into an all girl's party, creating a "girly" theme like a tea party, princess party or maybe a spa party (I think 4/5 year olds like to get their nails painted? I know my cousin does). I think that this would be a very diplomatic way of inviting all of the kids in the class without hurting feelings. You could easily invite all of the girls, and most likely the boys won't be offended because it is a girl party (and even if the whole getting invited/not getting invited issue doesn't cross the children's minds, their parents will still understand why their sons were not invited to the princess party). Additionally, your daughter will have a great time no matter how many of her friends are there. My parents have made me cut down birthday party guest lists before and I still have great memories of each party that I had, sometimes its fun just to spend time with the girls (even as a kid)

Michele Cheplic (37339) 16 Feb 2009 10:08 AM

I like the spa party idea Beckard and you are right, at this age she'll have a great time no matter how many make the cut. Thanks for the comment.

1stTimeMomOf2 (2460) 16 Feb 2009 10:15 PM

My niece is turning 10 this year and of course she thinks it's a huge deal. They skimped on a big fancy party in exchange for a slumber party. They are going to have pizza and cake beforehand so that the boys in her class can attend but then the girls are invited to stay the night and have a girls night. They also saved on cost by letting the birthday girl pick her favors from a discount website (where everything was bargain priced and they had the popular tween themes) and having her make her own invitations. My niece is creative so this was great for her. They're going to use "make up" from the dollar store for dressing up and doing each other's nails and they're going to watch movies (already owned, not rented) and eat popcorn! I'm not sure what you could do for a 5 year old but I'm sure just a small lunch with cake and ice cream will be fine. Maybe a craft party (if you're brave) with kits you can buy inexpensively for each child invited. If her birthday is during the warmer months, you could host it outside in your yard (or a friends or at the park) so no worries about space in your house.

Valorie Delp (49340) 17 Feb 2009 04:39 AM

We are a big birthday party family. Ironically, birthday parties are around the corner for us--we are in the throws of doing one for my oldest and my son--it's a combined party and there will upwards of 60 guests. To me, a big party is a cultural thing and even though we are run of the mill New Englanders, my kids didn't grow up that way. In the city, you had a 'household' over and if that household had cousins, uncles, aunts, second cousins--they came too. So that's what we're doing here. LOL I'm sure our friends will be scared away after that party!

Michele Cheplic (37339) 17 Feb 2009 07:57 AM

Thanks for the great ideas FirstTimeMomof2. I love the craft idea!! Not quite ready for the slumber party, but the crafts are do-able!

Michele Cheplic (37339) 17 Feb 2009 07:59 AM

Valorie, I agree with the party/culture observation. In Hawaii everyone knows everyone--you're all part of the same ohana--so we have big bashes out there. In fact, regardless of when we visit, we always celebrate my dd's b-day there... that way all of my family members get to join in on the fun.

MindyV1 (20) 28 Mar 2009 06:27 PM

You are right, adding a theme is the best way to get around the who to invite and not invite problem. I discovered a handy little guide for my area with ideas for kids parties and family actvities in this current economy. http://volumeone.org/magazine/articles/467/Kids_Families.html

sleepyf95 (5) 23 Apr 2009 07:05 AM

Right now with my daughter still in daycare/preschool it's not too bad. I wonder though when she gets to elementary school. I knew past coworkers that had problems because you have to be careful how you send out the invites. Sometimes your not allowed to invite part of the class without inviting the rest.

Michele Cheplic (37339) 23 Apr 2009 12:04 PM

sleepyf95, you're right, gone are the days when you simply invited the kids from the neighborhood or a couple of kids from school without feeling guilty about it.