Report Says Sibling Spats Are Inevitable

by Myra Turner | More from this Blogger

10 Jan 2007 09:35 PM

Sometimes I worry that as Tyler gets older he'll miss having a sibling. Then again when I think about the squabbles, the "make him stop looking at me", the sibling rivalry--- well, maybe being an only child's not such a bad thing.

If you have more than one child, you probably get your fill of sibling spats, perhaps a daily dose even. Now a new report says that these sibling spats are inevitable. The study was conducted by researchers at Pennsylvania State University. I found some of the conclusions drawn by the researchers a bit odd. Here are a few highlights from the study:

(1) Fathers who reported being "less in love" in their marriage, tended to have kids who were closer to their siblings.

(2) The study found that sisters generally felt a lot closer to their siblings than brothers did.

(3) The good news is that relationships between brothers and sisters tend to get closer in later adolescence.

(4) Parents should use sibling conflicts to help their children learn conflict resolution skills.

(5) Discord seemed to peak between siblings when the first-born was 13 and the second-born was about 10-years old.

(6) If a mother reported warm relations with her children, the siblings were also more likely to report warm relations with each other.

(7) When fathers reported positive feelings about their marriage and towards their wife, the siblings were not as close to each other.

I found numbers (1) and (7) were the oddest of the findings. But according to the researchers, when there is a problem in the marriage, the kids often turn to one another for support. I don't totally buy that. I believe that sometimes when parents are constantly fighting to the point that the kids are aware of it or if the parents are going through a divorce, the kids may become closer. The study didn't specify that this was the case. You can be out of love with your spouse and still keep up appearances to the point where your kids would not know it. Look at all of the happy marriages out there where the siblings get along. How do you explain that?

I love reading research studies but I tend to take a lot of it with a grain of salt. There never seems to be a large enough representative sample to account for some of the findings.

See also:

Drama of Sibling Rivalry Stop The Sibling Rivalry

How To Deal With Sibling Rivalry

Learn more about Myra Turner

I'm a proud mid-life single mom with an active seven-year-old son, Tyler.

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Julie Gentry (5915) 10 Jan 2007 11:24 PM

I'd tend to agree with their findings. If you think about it, a divorce either makes kids very tight or tears them apart. It's rare that there's middle ground. I'd imagine it's the same with conflict or apathy.

We laugh very hard when that commercial comes on with the kids on the beach. "Mom, make him stop touching me!" And the kid's finger is a mm away from his sister while he taunts, "I'm not touching you, I'm not touching you." It's pretty true to life. lol. It's an opportunity to put (4) into practice.

Teresa McEntire (2984) 16 Jan 2007 09:32 AM

There are some of the points that I agree with. My sister and I definately had the most conflict when I turned 13 and she was 11, but know we are best friends. I also don't agree that parental discord brings siblings together. My husband's mom and step-dad were always fighting and he doesn't have a close relationship with any of his siblings. On the other hand my parents got along well and my siblings and I are all close. In fact over Christmas the four of us were playing cards and talking while all of our spouses were doing something else.