Should Kids Move Out at 18

by Andrea Hermitt | More from this Blogger

A blog post at timberdoodle.com asks Is it time to kick the kids out of the house?

Moving out at eighteen is a fairly recent, definitely cultural idea, one which regardless of the spiritual implications makes no economic or ecological sense... Why are some people getting their knickers in a knot over the emissions of cows while ignoring the massive impact this exodus of young people has on carbon footprints? ...There seems to be a campaign afoot among relatives and friends to boot our adult children out of our home.

The writer continues by stating that while her kids are still home, they all work with the Timberdoodle company, are responsible for their own expenses, and can be kept accountable. She feels it is a good thing to allow young adults to stay home.

In my own experiences, it may be best to get out from under mom and dad as early as humanly possible. Having come from a fairly large family, I felt that those siblings of mine who moved out on their own earlier in life may have learned some hard lessons, but in the end, they did better for themselves. This is not true in just my family. In my experience, most people who stayed home into their 20's ended up living of their parents and adding no real value to their own or their parents lives.

There were a few instances I witnessed though, while a small minority, that stayed home until they were married and actually thrived. These were usually immigrant families or families with rich traditions and culture that still did things the "old country" way. These young people lived at home through college and into their 20's. The parents provided almost everything and had the kids bank their own money. Then the parents set up their homes when they did get married and were ready to move out. These people are also doing well in life.

Now that I have my own kids, a 15 year old boy and a 13 year old girl, I am beginning to change my mind about kids moving out at 18. My kids are still so young, and while it will probably happen, I can't see them maturing to full adulthood in 3 and 5 years respectively. Where my husband and I used to tell them all the time that they would be on their own at 18, we are suddenly silent on the subject hoping to push it to 21 at least.

I think the difference is in the relationship between parent and child. Looking back at it, the kids that stayed home and made nothing of their lives were living with parents that were over controlling (especially in my home) and virtually handicapped the kids from growing up. The parents in these cases didn't want the kids to grow up and the kids didn't have the tools needed to live independently. Even when the parents voiced that they wanted the kids to move out, they continued to enable them to not grow up and be responsible for themselves.

I wish the rare example that I witnessed of a few young people staying with their parents while functioning as adults to be the norm. I am not suggesting that the parents provide monetary support beyond their own means, but I do think it is makes sense for parents to continue to share their homes with their adult kids as long as the relationships are healthy and the kids, or young adults are continuing to mature and thrive.

~If you liked this you should also read my other posts at the home blog, the homeschooling blog, the parents blog, and the frugal blog. You can read my recent posts here.

Do You Love Them Enough to Cut Them Off?

Parents Call Police Because Grown Son Won't Clean Room

Attending College and Living Peacefully with Your Parents

Allowing Teenagers Some Room to Flounder

Learn more about Andrea Hermitt

Andrea Hermitt is a native New Yorker currently residing in GA. She has been married for over 16 years and has two teenage children.

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