Search Results for: blog sometimes guidance must be subtle

Sometimes the Best Action is NO Action

As parents, do we always have to jump, respond and react to things our children say and do? The answer, of course, is No…I am not advocating ignoring our kids or looking the other way when they do something dangerous or unhealthy. In fact, I have often written about how important it is for us to stay involved and give our kids the attention and guidance they need. But, there are those times when our NOT reacting or taking action has a stronger influence than if we jump right in… I know it seems counter to so much that we … Continue reading →

Sometimes Guidance Must be Subtle

Often it seems very clear to us as parents that we must step in and be direct and “take charge” when it comes to guiding and parenting our children. Especially when they are younger and we need to keep them safe and make sure lessons are very clear and concise. As our children get older, however, sometimes we need to take a much lighter hand. Our guidance and parenting often has to be much more subtle… I have found that learning how to guide my children from more of an advisory or facilitator’s role has been one of the hardest … Continue reading →

Retraining a Stressed Cat

Sometimes, you can’t take the stress out of a cat’s environment. If seeing other animals outside the window is upsetting your cat, you can close the shades or not allow your cat into rooms with windows facing the street. However, if the stressor is something like a new pet or a new baby, you can’t really remove the source! In cases where you can’t remove the source of the stress, you can try desensitization and counterconditioning. Desensitization is exposing the animal gradually to the source of stress. Start with versions that are so mild that they don’t provoke anxiety — … Continue reading →

Do We Really Have to Comment?

Sometimes, I have a hard time with the reality that the best parenting I can do in a given moment is none—I don’t always have to say something, even if it is the briefest of comments. Silence can sometimes be the most effective parenting of all! When my son is lounging in front of the television watching an afternoon of football—I do NOT really need to comment on why he is lounging or wonder aloud at his “laziness.” Neither do I need to comment on hair-dos or the way my kids dress or offer unsolicited advice. I know someone who … Continue reading →

Encouraging or Demanding?

So many things in life are divided by a fine line–being aggressive and being assertive, for example. When it comes to parenting, there are countless behaviors and choices we make that can cross that line–authoritative can become pushy and tyrannical; concerned can become obsessively smothering; and encouraging our children can cross over and become demanding and overbearing. So, how do we walk that line and keep our parenting comments helpful and not hurtful? How do we keep our own issues under control so that they don’t seep over onto our children? How do we keep our boundaries in tact? I … Continue reading →

You Can Count on Me

There are so many messages we parents want to impart to our children—many of us set out with very clear ideas about the sort of parents we want to be from the very beginning, while others of us figure out our parenting personae as we go along. With all the tasks and trials of parenting to worry over, I do think if we send them no other message, the message of unconditional love and support is the most important. I realized a year and a half or so ago, when my middle daughter was going through a rough time that … Continue reading →