Sometimes, Saying "No" is Not Enough

by Kori Rodley Irons | More from this Blogger

For some of us parents, getting the authority to say "No" is a big step. Others of us say it all the time but without the follow-through and limit-setting it does not really have much power on our children. From the time children are tiny, there are those times when just saying "No" is not enough-we need to follow through with physical removal, consequences, or distraction and intervention.

Sometimes it is easier to see things in other people than to recognize them in ourselves. Have you ever been at a park or visiting with a friend and heard her tell her child "No" numerous times while he continues committing the offending behaviors? There might be plenty of threats and a very firm-sounding "No" or "Stop it" but no actual intervention or movement on the part of the parent. She may think she is setting a boundary because she is saying "No"...consistently. But, it isn't enough!

If you have said "No" and the behavior hasn't stopped-we parents need to step up our response. Whether it is a toddler who needs to be redirected or have us step in and pick them up or take something away-or a much older child who needs us to do more than just say no and verbalize a rule, parenting doesn't stop and start with what we say. Saying "No" is important, but we need to be willing to follow it up with a physical presence, more careful involvement, discipline, or consequences. Otherwise, the "No" often is nothing but a word we say (and our child ignores.)

This is a big reason why we should only say "No" when we are prepared to follow up and do whatever it takes to make sure we've sent a very clear message and boundary. Sure, our child may still push against that limit and try to get around it, but we have to do all we can to reasonably make sure we enforce our "Nos."

Also: Saying "No" and Meaning It

How Good Are You At Setting Limits?

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