Search Results for: blog sometimes theres more of a reward for misbehavior than good behavior

It is NOT Always the Child’s Fault

I am all for personal responsibility and definitely for children learning how their own behavior choices play out in natural consequences. After all, we do have to prepare our children to live in the real world with real people and real institutions. But, I wrote the yesterday about how our children’s behavior can be different depending on where they are and what they are dealing with and sometimes, there are other elements at play that the child just cannot control. Yes, I believe that our children do need to learn how to cope and deal with all sorts of situations … Continue reading →

Does Your Child Behave Better at Home or at School?

Sometimes, our child’s behavior can be consistent—he behaves the same whether he is at home or out and about or at Grandmother’s house. But, there are other times when a child may behave fine in certain circumstances, and then the behavior becomes an issue in other circumstances. What does this mean? Is it the child’s problem? The parent’s? or is it due to something else? Of course, as parents our goal is to get our child to a place where they behave decently regardless of where they are—but for some kids the shifts and changes in environment and expectations can … Continue reading →

Parenting Mistake–Taking Things Personally

I think one of the things that can really get us into trouble as a parent is taking our children’s behavior personally. When we assume that they are doing things with ulterior motives or that their behavior is somehow personally directed at us, we often are not seeing things clearly–and can take things in a completely wrong direction. Let’s say that your child is leaving dirty socks and shoes by the front door when she comes home from school. Of course, you would like her to put her dirty socks in the hamper and put her shoes where they belong … Continue reading →

Does This Action Demand a Response From Me?

I think one of the hardest things for me to do as a parent is to NOT respond to something my children say or do. I am deeply entrenched in being responsive after years of mothering and it is often difficult for me to evaluate whether the best response from me at any given moment might be no response at all. Cause and effect, action and reaction—thus is the dance of many a parent and child. Our children behave in a certain way, act out, say something and we respond in kind or at least with something we think is … Continue reading →

Let’s Get Down to the Bottom of This

In a busy, hectic family, we parents are often treating “symptoms”–we are often so busy that we just have to respond to whatever behaviors are right in front of our faces. Unfortunately, those behaviors can get worse or more prevalent (or lead to other behaviors) if we don’t actually get down to what is going on BEHIND the symptoms… I have found that I often do not gain insight into what is really going on “in the moment.” It is sort of like triage–I have to deal with the behavior at the time it is happening–either by ignoring, redirecting or … Continue reading →