Talk Softly...And They Might Listen

by Kori Rodley Irons | More from this Blogger

13 Dec 2007 08:18 PM

For some reason, we parents have a tendency to think that if we just talk louder or get "more up in their face" our kids might actually hear us and respond. I have found just the opposite to be true. If I can stay calm and talk softly and surely, my kids are much more likely to listen and stay open and receptive than if I rant and yell and get forceful with them.

Many years ago, my sister-in-law shared with me that she had discovered that instead of nagging, if she quietly asked her kids to do something, and then repeated the request 10 minutes later in the same voice and tone if they didn't respond the first time, she had much better luck than when she lectured and barked. We had a great conversation because I, too, was discovering that my small children listened and responded to my requests when I got down with them and spoke softly and directly. They didn't "tune me out" like they did when I blasted at them.

Now, with teenagers, I find that my staying calm, cool and collected is key to communication. I am not saying that I always do it (I am still human) but I know firsthand that if I can keep a low, calm voice and stay open to communicating, they are more likely to respond in kind. Even if they yell back-if I stay calm and keep my voice and body language soft, they are absorbing what I am trying to say.

Try it next time-instead of yelling or hollering, talk low and soft-it might be such a surprise to your children they actually respond and listen. AND, they may very well learn how to stay calm and communicate in a soft, direct voice themselves.

Also: Tantrums, Screams and Crying--Oh My!

Time Outs--What Counts as Quiet Time?

Is Your Method of Discipline Working?

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