Teaching Kids to Calm Themselvesby Myra Turner | More from this Blogger 05 Nov 2007 11:07 AM I'll be the first one to admit that I have a love/hate relationship with time-out. I've used this technique with Tyler and have experienced my fair share of successes and failures. In the November 2007 issue of Parenting, I read about an alternative to time-out and it sounds like a good idea. Let me share it with you. Basically, the author tells us to re-think time-out by not giving our kids time-outs when they are misbehaving. Instead, we should teach them to take their own time-out when they feel they are getting out of control. This method teaches kids to gain control of their emotions. What you would do is sit down, have a talk with your child, and explain that you feel he is big enough to calm himself down when he starts to feel angry, frustrated, etc. When he feels his emotions are getting out of control, he should sit silently and quietly for a few minutes. Parents should set up a comfortable place for him to sit, maybe including a blanket, pillows or a book. Finally, make sure your child knows that there may be times when you may have to point out to him that he needs a time-out but when you do, it's not a punishment it's a "feel-better-break". I really like that last part. Many times when I give Tyler a time-out, it's to get him to calm down after a meltdown, not to punish him for misbehavior. For the latter, I find taking away privileges more effective. Time-outs are typically viewed as punishment by the child no matter what the offense. Should we really send our kids to time-out for whining and crying? As adults, we often take time-outs to cool off when our emotions reach the boiling point. If we are arguing with a loved one, for instance, we might walk outside until we feel we can talk without our anger getting in the way. How odd would it be for our spouse, our boss, or a friend to tell us, "I think you need to take a time-out?" As adults we have learned when we need to chill and we can teach our kids to do the same. See also: Time-out: What Counts as Quiet Time Learn more about Myra Turner  I'm a proud mid-life single mom with an active seven-year-old son, Tyler. Relevantparenting tags User Comments maggie_may1977 (20) 05 Nov 2007 03:18 PMI am a fan of the Uh-Oh song. I learned this from Love and Logic. When my 3 year old acts up, I sing "Uh-Oh" and he knows it's time to stop whatever it is he is doing. Sometimes he ends up in his room for a cool down period, but we don't call it "time out." You can learn more about Love and Logic at www.loveandlogic.com. Community Tags emotions, self control, time-out Discuss this article
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