Teens and The N Word

by Andrea Hermitt | More from this Blogger

05 Nov 2009 11:48 PM

Miriam Caldwell wrote about Saying No especially when people are asking for favors. Her blog post was primarily discussing requests for service in the church and knowing when to draw the line so that we can care for ourselves. She suggests that it is healthy to say No so as not to become overwhelmed with all of the requests.

As parents, the word No is something we don't want to hear from our kids. It might be cute for a moment when they are 15 months old, but at 15 years, it's not cute at all. Not only is it frustrating to have a teenager tell me know, but knowing that my parents would have never allowed it leaves me quite confused.

Personally, I would prefer it if my kids responded to every request positively. I mean is it really to much to ask a teenager to carry something upstairs or downstairs on their way. Is it too much to request that take care of errands in a certain order as it just makes more sense? Is it too much to ask them to do you a little favor when it seems all you do is serve them?

It might be. A teenager who never says no to his or her parents is a teenager who will not say no in the real world. They won't say no to authority figures with questionable motives. They won't say no to friend who are up to no good. Most of all, they won't say no to request that repeatedly puts their own needs on the back burner.

At the same time, it is not fair to parents for teens to turn down their only request. Just as they want an explanation when we say no to them, we should also expect some kind of reason when out teens say no to us. While they don't owe anyone else an excuse when they say no to them, the parent child relationship should entitle us to a reasonable explanation and the ability to override the refusal.

Still, as a parent I can't help but have an emotional response when my kids say no. It can be hurtful when you make a simple request and your teen looks you in the eye and says No, especially when they are being unreasonable. In this case, I seldom hesitate to remind them that there are things I would rather not do as well, and that as family members who love each other, we really should go the extra mile.

~If you liked this you should also read my other posts at the home blog, the homeschooling blog, the parents blog, and the frugal blog. You can read my recent posts here.

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Learn more about Andrea Hermitt

Andrea Hermitt is a native New Yorker currently residing in GA. She has been married for over 16 years and has two teenage children.

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