Who buys Halloween candy this early? Places like Wal-Mart, Target and Walgreens have had their spooktacular holiday displays up since Labor Day, but that doesn’t mean you have to succumb to their marketing ploy… Mom. Yes, my mom is a candy company’s dream customer. She is the sucker purchasing pumpkin-shaped lollipops, snack-size candy bars and other sugary sweet Halloween treats weeks in advance of the pagan holiday honoring the dead. And while my mom and others like her are responsible for keeping Willy Wonka’s smile from fading, it’s a different story with dentists. Many teeth experts are already sounding the … Continue reading →

Sure, you can donate your leftover Halloween candy to hospitals, food pantries, churches and shelters. You could also send excess hard candy (chocolate melts in the desert) to troops based overseas. There are even some dentists and retailers who are buying kids’ Halloween loot. However, none of those ideas scream F-U-N to me the same way eating does. When I was young I refused to part with any of my sugar stash. After all, I schlepped for three hours collecting all that junk, and by gosh, I was going to devour every last calorie… unless it started with Laffy and … Continue reading →

(All treat, no trick!) My daughter was just over a year old when she went trick-or-treating for the first time. We took her out at my mom’s insistence. Grandma dropped 50 bucks to dress her first-born grandkid in a Disney Dalmatian costume, and by gosh the neighbors were going to get an eyeful of cuteness whether they wanted to or not. Given my daughter’s very young age, clearly our goal was not to score as many sweets as possible. In fact, when one neighbor handed my costumed child an individual tub of Play-Doh, I nearly shed a tear. Finally, a … Continue reading →

I am convinced that Laffy Taffy was created by a starving dentist. How else do you explain its concrete-like texture and magical ability to transform into a sugary rubber band when mixed with body heat and saliva? It’s the devil’s candy of choice, and in our house it takes a direct flight from my kid’s Halloween treat bucket to the trash can, though I have considered storing the colorful wads of sweet cement and handing them out to trick-or-treaters exactly 365 days after my daughter collects them. Goodness knows their consistency can’t get any worse with age. Clearly, I don’t … Continue reading →

Our home’s sugar-free status has finally been restored. Can I get a Hallelujah? Following a nearly week-long candy gorge the likes of which no trick-or-treater should be allowed to attempt, my kid is back living in a sweet-free zone. Yes, I dumped what was left of her Halloween haul. Liberation personified. Call me mean, nasty, insensitive, unfair, hasty… or a hold-out (I know some parents who executed the big dump a mere 24 hours after their kids’ annual holiday candy collecting was over). Regardless, I was completely honest about my plan. From the moment my child donned her Halloween costume, … Continue reading →