The One Right Way to Discipline

by Nicki Bradley | More from this Blogger

14 Mar 2006 09:08 AM

I was reading the forums this morning and it got me thinking. I know how dangerous that is! But seriously, it occurred to me that parents often are looking for The Solution to their parenting challenges. They look to message boards such as ours here at Families.com, they look to each other, to family, to books and media, to television shows such as SuperNanny. They look and they look.

It reminds me of dieting. Fad diets come and go and, with each one. The same general group of folks jump on the bandwagon in the hopes that This Is It: the solution that is easy, fast, effortless and effective. They are sure it is out there somewhere if only they keep their eyes open and keep looking.

We know that fad diets don't work because fads, by their very nature come and go. And when they go, so does the weight loss. We know the long term secret for losing weight is to change one's lifestyle permanently to include healthy foods in moderation and exercise. It isn't easy, it isn't fast, it isn't effortless but it IS effective. And the amazing thing is that the solution is right there within each of us. It was never in a book, magazine or TV show after all!

Similarly, parenting and, more specifically, discipline works the same way. How to effectively discipline your children isn't a hidden secret that we will unfold if we just keep buying the latest book or parenting rag, tune into Dr. Phil or SuperNanny. On the contrary, the answer is within each of us all the time. It's called instinctive parenting. We all possess the innate ability get in touch with the answers, the solutions that will work right for each one of our children separately at the exact age and point they are at, developmentally. No book could possibly know your child better than you do.

Of course, in order to get in touch with this innate ability each parent naturally has, we must all be willing to cast aside our preconceived ideas about The Only Right Way. This means using your books and magazines for inspiration only, but ultimately believing that the answer lies within you and you alone. By learning to tap into this inner wealth of parenting knowledge more vast than any library, you will finally be able to stop looking outside yourself for the answers, the One Right Way, the easy, fast and effortless solution that will fix all of your children all at once. Because the truth is, there is no One Right Way.

Learn more about Nicki Bradley

I live in the suburbs of Detroit and I'm happily re-married with six children (3 his, 2 mine, 1 ours) ranging in age from 3.5 to 12.

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Marily (836) 28 Mar 2006 05:23 AM

I definitely don't agree that parents have an innate ability to discipline! This cannot be true because so many parents really have no control over their children. I worked for over 5 years with kids of all different ages. Some of their parents were totally clueless! As a parent myself, I know that loving my child is innate, but knowing how to discipline him is not. Like most parents, I try something, it doesn't work, I try something else, and that doesn't work, and so on.

Then I decided to do a little studying, from experts. My husband and I took a few parenting seminars. The techniques they explained really made a lot of sense, and we have changed our ways to becoming more consistent and predictable. This has helped immensely.

As with dieting, yes the fads come and go. But still, there is the time-tested strategy that will work and has worked from the end of time. For dieting, we all know that is eating well and exercising, and with parenting we know that it is being consistent in our discipline. Yet, it sure helps to consult some experts!

WordsAplenty (4029) 30 Mar 2006 12:16 AM

I get where you're coming from, Nicki. So many people turn to the baby trainers and the other experts and end up frustrated. I do believe in reading parenting books, but mainly to support what I already believe. :) For example, I read lots of Dr. Sears books and homeschooling books. This lets me know that 1) I am not crazy and 2)There are others out there who parent the same way I do. But, yes, I agree... we do have the answers inside us. We just have to learn to block out all the other voices and listen to our own -- and our kids. As far as out of control kids, I don't think that is a result of not knowing how to discipline, but of not wanting to.