The Pros and Cons of "No"

by Kori Rodley Irons | More from this Blogger

14 Jul 2008 03:46 PM

There is plenty of debate over the best and worst ways to use the word "no" in parenting. Some think that the word is overly negative, that using it too much discourages children from taking chances, while others think that raising a child without the word "no" is setting them up for future troubles and a lack of understanding about boundaries and limits. Where do you stand on the "no" issue? Do you think there can be both good and bad points about using this word in our parenting?

As with most parenting issues, I tend to take a rather moderate approach to using the word "No." When my children were tiny, I tried to avoiding using it all the time, but I wanted a few simple, clear, strong words that I could use to get my point across-especially in case of an emergency. It took way too long to holler something like "Don't run out there into the street because you might get hit by a car and hurt!" when "Stop!" or "No!" could prevent the dangerous behaviors much easier.

I do think that "No" can be over-used and lose its effectiveness, however. I have heard parents out and about who are constantly saying "No," "Stop" or "Don't" and I wonder if the child has come to think these words are all part of their name. Why would a child listen if that was all that he or she heard?

I also think that teaching a young child the meaning of "No" often involves physically removing them from the situation or taking something away to illustrate what it means. For an older child (particularly a teenager), using the world "No" should only come after thoroughly listening to the "case" and weighing all of the information and options. Regardless of the age of a child, we should only use this word when we truly mean it and are willing to follow up and follow through.

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