Under Promise, and Over-Deliver-For Parents

by Kori Rodley Irons | More from this Blogger

19 Dec 2007 08:48 PM

You have likely heard the phrase of advice "under promise and over-deliver" when it comes to work and business. The idea being that if you promise too much to a customer or client, and then are not able to fulfill your promise-you come off looking much worse than if you under promise in the first place, and then exceed expectations. I think this advice can be applied to parenting as well, and can be very sound advice indeed...

I don't know about your kids-but mine had memories like steel traps when it came to anything I said or did. Not so much when it comes to their own promises and behaviors ("but, I forgot mom") but definitely with me. I learned that I really needed to NOT promise anything unless I was quite certain that I would be able to fulfill that promise. I also learned that what I had previously thought constituted a "promise" no longer stood with my children. Anything that I uttered that came even close to sounding like I was committing to doing something, even saying something like, "yes, that would be a good idea" or "wouldn't it be nice if we..." was considered a promise. By making certain that I didn't even hint about something unless I knew I would be able to follow-through, I took care of half the potential problems. I would rather have my kids be crabby at me for being "lame" than accuse me of being a liar.

When we are able to come through or do something, we can "surprise" our children and this can generally be a good thing. As children get older, however, they make plans of their own and the longer we wait on our "surprises" the more likely that our kids will have other things going on. Still, by keeping from promising or committing to too much, each time we follow through and are able to make things happen, we are showing our kids that we are trustworthy and dependable, not to mention that we are impeccable with our "word" and honest.

Of course, don't expect that your kids will appreciate your honesty and dependability-they still want what they want. But, by keeping from promising what you might not be able to deliver, they will at least know that you are someone who can be trusted.

Also: Spying, Trust and Checking Up

Re-building a Broken Trust

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