Search Results for: blog watch out for shame

Watch Where You Point That Finger

Well, that didn’t take long. Then again, it rarely does. It’s been less than 72 hours since the mass shooting at a movie theater in Aurora, Colorado, and already cyberspace is ripe with pointed fingers, harsh accusations and shameless sanctimony. Sadly, though, that big, ugly finger of blame, which was initially aimed at the shooter, quickly turned to the parents of the victims, specifically the moms and dads who allowed their young children to attend the midnight screening of The Dark Knight Rises. Thanks to pure thoughtlessness, Twitter, Facebook and thousands of other sites– where commenters and posters are able … Continue reading →

What is Marriage All About?

Is marriage all about having the biggest best house and most possessions, you can? I don’t think so. One of the other things that amazed me recently when looking at houses was the size of them. Most were massive but all I could see was a lot of waste space and how much more difficult and time consuming they would be to clean. I think it’s a shame that people’s expectations aren’t more realistic and that they don’t focus more on the marriage itself and building and maintain that relationship rather than the periphery things. I’d rather have a smaller … Continue reading →

Something to Think and Talk About

Was it the title of this play, The Women of Lockerbie, that put men off? That’s what I wondered as I looked around the predominately female audience last night at the theater. Mick and I went with two other couples went to see The Women of Lockerbie by Deborah Brevoort. Or was it because the play was a drama and might be emotional? It was both. It was also a riveting piece of theater. It could also have been this attitude that men don’t go to the theater but that it is a woman’s thing, because Mick and I’ve noticed … Continue reading →

How Shame Can Sabotage Our Businesses

Shame is one of those emotions that can do serious damage just about anywhere it pops up. It can keep us from taking risks, feeling confident, and moving forward with relationships and activities. As a home business owner, we need our strength and wits about us and if we let ourselves feel or be shamed in our work–it can be the ruin of an otherwise successful business… I do not mean to sound melodramatic here, but I think when we let ourselves feel embarrassed, disgraced, inferior, or unworthy–we are taking away most of the wind from our sales. Without some … Continue reading →

Watch Out for Dependency

We single parents often wrestle with feeling the need to be TOO independent—at least that is how it has been for me. I have gotten so used to being on my own that I can very easily slip into stoicism. I do NOT find it easy to ask for, or accept help. But for some single parents, just the opposite is true—it becomes so much easier to accept help and let others take care of things, that becoming overly-dependent becomes a problem. Being encouraged and feeling a part of a supportive community and family is one thing; and it is … Continue reading →

When Things Get Out of Control…Abort the Activity

Sometimes, the best laid plans and parenting tricks are not enough to keep the trip to the grocery store, church, or movie theatre from going sour. Instead of trying to force the issue and forge ahead when misbehavior, crankiness or temper tantrums set in–it is a far better parenting choice to abort the activity and leave. Often, just taking a break and getting some fresh air is all you need, other times it may be a better choice to go home and finish the activity at another time. I don’t know how many times I have been in a grocery … Continue reading →

Watch Out for Shame

Shame is all about controlling—controlling emotions and behavior. We can fall into feeling shameful ourselves, or as parents we may resort to using shame or guilt to try to control our children. Shame is a vicious cycle and we can get stuck and trapped using shame and feeling shameful in our family life. The opposite of shame is acceptance (either of self or of others) and love and nurturing behaviors. Shame can be so sneaky and compulsive that we use it, feel it and access shameful feelings without even realizing it. The next thing we know, we feel badly, our … Continue reading →

NBC to Matt Lauer: “Shame On You!”

I like Matt Lauer. Okay, I’ve never met the guy, but I do enjoy watching him co-anchor NBC’s “Today” show. I especially enjoyed watching him sheepishly admit to a mistake he made during a recent story. For you non-“Today” viewers, this week the morning show is running a series called “Today on the Trail,” in which show anchors follow presidential contenders on the campaign trail. Yesterday, the show aired a piece that featured Lauer sitting in the back seat of a SUV interviewing Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney. Both men were taped with their seat belts unbuckled as the vehicle … Continue reading →

Group Apologies and Ethnic Shame Part Two: Can We Understand Each Other?

Part One of this blog told of the apologies being offered by some Koreans, Korean-Americans, and adoption agency officials in Korea expressing shame that a Korean-American student could massacre students at Virginia Tech. Many of us wonder why someone would feel the need to apologize for or feel shame because of the behavior of someone they don’t know. I believe there is a cultural difference, at least in degree, between “majority” Euro-American culture and some other cultures. America is a society that really values individualism, individual rights, freedom. Other countries have more of a communal outlook, I think. Of course … Continue reading →

Let’s Talk About Who to Include at Your Homebirth

Giving birth is no doubt a personal and intimate time for a woman. Perhaps you already have an idea of whom you would like present at the birth of your child. Even more important is to decide whom you do not want present, for your comfort is the most important factor to consider. Sometimes there are people that are very eager to be present, but you aren’t comfortable with them being there. You will have to determine the best way to explain this to them, and remember that it is ultimately your decision who is there. If there are certain … Continue reading →