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24 Jun 2008 12:56 PM

When a Child Refuses to Try

by Kori Rodley Irons | More from this Blogger

"Well, as long as you try-that is what is important!" How many times has a phrase like this been uttered by parents? If you are the type of parent who likes to focus on the process and on trying and attempting, instead of on outcome, it can be incredibly frustrating when a child refuses to try or claims constantly "I can't do it!" It is common for toddlers and young children to go through a phase where they try to get someone else to do things for them or they claim that they just can't do something. There are also those kids who use "I can't do it" as a way of getting out of making the effort.

What does it mean when a child claims "I can't" every time he or she is expected to do something? It can mean several things. It can mean that the child really does have low self-esteem or a low sense of competence and believes that he or she cannot do something. It can also mean that the child is a perfectionist and does not want to have to stumble, try or learn and would rather just be able to do something perfect; some children do not like that period of learning something and feeling inept. It could also mean that the child has learned that if she claims that she "doesn't know how" or cannot do something, mom or dad or a sibling will step in and do it for her. It can also mean that the child does not WANT to do it and is claiming not to be able to so she won't have to try.

This is where it is important to know your child and do a little investigating. If this has become a habit or the child is using "I can't" as an excuse, it is up to us as parents to learn how to get around that and motivate the child. Watch out for stepping in to do things for the child AND also try to determine if you really are asking the child to do something that he or she is incapable of. Encouragement, support, and lack of pressure can help a child learn to take a chance and give things a try.

See Also: What NOT to do When Your Toddler Refuses to Move

The Single Parent and the Stubborn Child

Learn more about Kori Rodley Irons

Kori is a single parent of three older teenagers--two in college and one still in high school.

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