When You Want To Hit A Bully

by Teresa McEntire | More from this Blogger

24 Jan 2007 11:45 AM

I recently read a post to an article that Kori Rodley-Irons wrote titled "What if You Don't Like Your Child's Friend?" and I wanted to respond to it.

Katie-Anne wrote "I'd like to see an article that advises us moms on what to do when you want to go slap one of your kid's classmates because they were mean to your child and he's cried himself to sleep for a week as a result! ROFL I can't be the only mom to have these completely irrational thoughts am I?"

No Katie-Anne you are not the only mom who has had those thoughts. In fact just yesterday I wanted to go pommel the little boy who lives next door to us. He has a long history of bullying my seven-year-old son while at school. Then after school he's my son's friend and always wants to play. Go figure.

I thought the bullying had ended but yesterday my son told me that he is still bullying him on a daily basis at school. He hadn't said anything because he was trying to deal with the bullying by fighting back like we had advised. As a parent my first thought was I wanted to go hit the kid and give him a piece of his own medicine. Of course the logical part of me knew this wasn't the answer. (Although it was tempting.)

I have tried to teach my son to be nice to others. I don't believe that violence is the answer to problems, but sometimes it is the only recourse. We have talked to the bully's parents, the principal, and their teacher. Yet the bullying continues.

So last night by husband and I talked to our son and told him that he needed to confront the bully. We worked up a plan. In the morning he would walk up to the bully and punch him in the face. Then tell him that he was tired of being bullied and as long as the bully continued to beat on him he would continue to hit the bully. The child was of course shocked that my son had hit him. He just stood their stunned.

I of course couldn't hit the bullying child but my son could. Hopefully when the bully realizes that he is going to be bullied in turn, the bullying of my son will stop.

There really is no easy answer to the bullying issue. You can appeal to the principal and teachers, but they can't always protect your child; and as my husband pointed out my son needs to learn how to take care of himself or he will be bullied for the rest of his school years. So we armed our son with a plan to protect himself. My husband even helped him practice punching. We also told him we would reward him with a milkshake if he punched the bully.

I know some of you may frown on the idea of rewarding your child for hitting someone. But my son is not a bully. He didn't want to hit the kid. Yet as parents we didn't know what else to do to get the bullying to stop. Sometimes you just have to teach your kids to stand up for themselves.

See these related blogs:

Helping Your Child Stand Up To Bullies

Are Parents To Blame For School Bullying?

The Bully Next Door

How Parents Should Deal With School Bullying

Learn more about Teresa McEntire

Teresa McEntire grew up in Utah the oldest of four children. She currently lives in Kuna, Idaho, near Boise. She and her husband Gene have been married for almost ten years.

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Valorie Delp (49340) 24 Jan 2007 10:57 AM

Shocked doesn't even begin to describe it. . .but a very interesting blog to read at that.

babydawn (7008) 24 Jan 2007 12:47 PM

I just had to laugh at this blog Teresa. I also agree with what you did, as funny as it sounded. Our children have a right to feel safe at school and a right to defend themselves. So many people say other wise these days. If my child is being bullied at school and all other avenues have been tried and failed, then they will not get in trouble on my watch for sticking up for themselves.

Katie-Anne Gustafsson (604) 24 Jan 2007 01:08 PM

Jake's only form of defense is his mouth - he's got Aspergers but verbal skills not part of that problem, our child development specialist said he has one of the largest vocabularies he's seen in a child that age or even a year or two above! I wouldn't want him hitting someone else, but in my mind I wish I could, and we talk about the fact that this is about the bully not liking himself and so has to pretend he's better by picking on other kids, and pretty soon he'll start on someone else but I also tell Jake he has never to forget what it feels like and so no matter what the other kids do, he stays out of it and supports the kid getting picked on.

Katie-Anne

Katie-Anne Gustafsson (604) 24 Jan 2007 01:12 PM

Babydawn, I told the leaders at Jake's preschool if they didn't handle the child in their care who was making my son's life a misery, I was going to contact first the parents of the child and get them to sort out their child's behavior, and if that didn't work I would go to the principal and the local newspaper because they are supposed to be no-tolerance bullying and no-tolerance bullying was more than words on a piece of emotive paper! Things have settled! :)

You know what rattles me though? My son is a nice boy. That's the label given him by everyone that's ever come in contact with him. And yet, with Aspergers, he's also the one with the anti-social label ....shouldn't that be the bully, not the victim?

Katie-Anne (getting off soapbox!)

Nola Redd (7081) 26 Jan 2007 04:18 PM

When I was a kid, I was a frequent target of bullying. Verbal abuse I just shut out (although it still affected me), but not physical bullying. I had a boy one time who broke into an arguement I was having with my sister. First he was just running his mouth (and I insulted him back), but then he hauled off and hit me. My motto has always been, let them strike first, but you strike last. If nothing else, it kept me from getting in trouble. I'm not completely sure I agree - though I understand where you are coming from, and I know my dh would advocate the same - but I'm definitely all for self-defense.