When You Want To Hit A Bully Follow-up

by Teresa McEntire | More from this Blogger

26 Jan 2007 01:57 PM

This week I posted a blog titled "When You Want To Hit A Bully" and I just wanted to follow up on the story.

The other day we told my son to hit the kid who had been bullying him for the last year at the bus stop. We felt like we had exhausted all other possibilities. My husband remembered when he was in junior high and a certain boy constantly bullied him. But one day my husband went up to the bully and hit him. After that the bully left him alone. So we felt like the action was worth a try. We hoped that if this child realized that as long as he bullied my son he could get hurt too the bullying would stop.

At school someone told the teacher that my son had hit the bully. Because it was outside of school the Kuna Schools resource officer was called in. The police officer talked to my son and the other child. My son, who is very bright for his age, thought that his dad was going to go to jail for telling him to hit the bully and was almost in tears when he came home. I assured him that wasn't going to happen.

I also got a call from the resource officer. She told me that because we had told my son to hit the bully that we could actually go to jail. I guess there is a law in Idaho that adults can't tell a child to hurt another child. Of course we didn't know that. We were just telling our son that it was time to fight back.

I explained that my son had been bullied for the last year. We had tried going through the school and speaking to the bully's parents but it hadn't worked. My son was still being pushed around on a daily basis. She didn't realize the issues behind the hit. After I explained, her attitude changed.

I also got a call from the vice-principal of my son's school. I told her that I felt like the school had failed my son. I was also upset that a police officer was involved the one time my son hit someone and the other hundred times my son was pushed around the police weren't involved. The vice-principal explained that because the event didn't happen on school grounds they had no jurisdiction so the resource officer was called in. It didn't really make me feel better. Maybe if the police had been called in earlier the bullying would have stopped and my son would have never had to fight back.

The vice-principal said that she didn't realize that the bullying was still on going. She promised to follow through better on her end. The child that has been bullying my son has been seen in her office a lot this year. So there are definitely other issues there. The best thing that came out of this is that the school is taking the bullying seriously, when I felt like they never really did before.

It wasn't easy for my son to hit the bully and he felt bad about it. But at the same time it helped him realize that he wasn't powerless. Although I don't think he'll be hitting another kids unless he gets hit first. It just isn't in him to be the instigator. Which is fine with me. That's how we've raised him to care about others and follow the rules. But sometimes...

See these related blogs:

Helping Your Child Stand Up To Bullies

Are Parents To Blame For School Bullying?

The Bully Next Door

How Parents Should Deal With School Bullying

Learn more about Teresa McEntire

Teresa McEntire grew up in Utah the oldest of four children. She currently lives in Kuna, Idaho, near Boise. She and her husband Gene have been married for almost ten years.

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Valorie Delp (49340) 26 Jan 2007 02:06 PM

You have explained exactly why we would never allow our children to hit back. Except in our neighborhood it could also turn deadly. Our neighborhood is gang ridden and to be honest, I don't know that the kid my kid is hitting back isn't the little brother of someone much more dangerous. Last year a kid a year older than my own son was stabbed and killed for hitting back at the park. As a result of us having to be more 'resourceful', we have dealt with bullies very differently. Definitely don't judge you though. It is frustrating to watch your child be beat up upon. Maybe I'll blog on our 'unique' approach to bullying if you don't mind?

Teresa McEntire (2984) 26 Jan 2007 02:17 PM

I know the bully, he lives next door to us and outside of school is friends with my son. He's the oldest child and is only eight. We also don't live in a gang area. Obviously the area you live in would change the way you deal with bullies. I'd love to hear your approach.

Julie Gentry (5915) 26 Jan 2007 02:51 PM

Teresa, if my sons were being bullied, I'd expect them to fight back and defend themselves. A true bully wants the weakest target because he's a coward inside. When our neighborhood bully started throwing rocks (big ones) at our children, I stepped in and talked to the parents. They promised to deal with it, but of course didn't. It finally escalated to the point where I told them that involving the authorities would be my next course of action. Hated to do that with a neighbor (especially since we're homeschooling!), but it was getting dangerous. Daniel (the problem child) is 9. If it's not stopped now, at 15 we would've been in real trouble.

Valorie Delp (49340) 26 Jan 2007 03:50 PM

Oh no, I know. Our situation is different for almost everything. ;-) But the tendency for authorities to get involved here including other risks is not worth it to us. I'll see if I can't get the blog written soon. Like I said, I certainly don't judge you. In fact, I admire that you're willing to blog about it. Parenting definitely doesn't come with manuals.

Nola Redd (7081) 26 Jan 2007 04:23 PM

At least the common sense factor kicked in when you dealt with the authorities. It could have been far worse in that regard. Glad things worked out in the short term; I hope they work out in the long term, with the bullying. Did you hear from the kid's parents? I can't believe they didn't contact you, especially since you are neighbors.

Teresa McEntire (2984) 26 Jan 2007 04:33 PM

No I haven't heard from the parents. I was a little surprised. Although what could they say, "We're not happy your son hit ours." I could respond "Yah, well how about the 100 times your son has hit ours."