Why do we Focus on Whose Messing Up?

by Kori Rodley Irons | More from this Blogger

24 Jul 2008 10:52 AM

The other day, my oldest daughter and I made plans to get together and catch up. We've all been so busy with summer fun and obligations that we have not been really keeping up so well so she and I made a 'date' to make dinner together and chat. In the midst of our chatting, however, the other two came through and I could not pass up the opportunity to bring up a few "issues" that had come to my attention. My eldest finally asked a very important family question: Why is it that the ones who are messing up take the attention away from the ones who are not? Why is it that what is going wrong rises to the top of the parental attention while the quiet, mellow, "going great" stuff gets ignored?

She was right. It was weird and frustrating and we fancy ourselves a fairly optimistic family! Why is it the nature of family life that the squeaky wheel gets the grease? Why is it that the naughty, troubled or snarky ones seem to take precedent over the ones who are doing well?

I am as guilty as the next parent when it comes to wanting to focus in on what is going wrong instead of what is going well. For example, if a child goes to school every day of the week except for one afternoon-it will be that one afternoon that I hone in on. I understand that it is not just parenting but human nature in general where this is the case. After all, it is the mistakes and bloopers we make at work that draw our bosses attention often, and not all those days we show up on time and do good work.

I do think it can be a wake-up call, however, to me as a parent to try not to let the bad or troublesome overshadow all the good and pleasantness that goes on in family life. Sometimes those mellow, responsible, pleasant and drama-less moments need to be acknowledged too.

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