Why Does it Work with One Child and Not Another?

by Kori Rodley Irons | More from this Blogger

05 Mar 2008 12:04 PM

Ah, the many mysteries of parenting! Do you ever feel like you have been plopped down in a foreign country without a guidebook, knowing the language, or understanding the currency? Then, just when we think we've got it figured out-we have learned a little something about how to manage and motivate one child, we discover that the techniques just don't translate. Bummer! Why is it that what works with one child does not necessarily work with another? Why is it that everyone in a family has to be so darn different?

I like to think of it like a documentary on the Discovery Channel-they learn from each other, they diversify, they divide and conquer, and they mutate-just like a fascinating tribe of mammals in the wilds of somewhere. Having more than one child and you are starting to build your own "tribe"-they interact with others and get influenced and soon, as the parent, you are striving to keep one step ahead (I will often settle for only one step behind) the challenging behaviors! If you have more than one child, they will stake out different realms of the behavior spectrum and you'll be expected to stretch and expand to match them.

The simplest explanation is just that they are different people and there are different dynamics. You will find that some steady common sense parenting techniques will work with different children (but not always ALL) but you will have to make adjustments to fit each child. They are all motivated by different things, and they respond to different stimuli, reinforcements, etc. This is one of the grand challenges of parenting-figuring out how to modify your parenting to suit different children within the family, but it is part of what makes the endeavor so rewarding and life-expanding too.

Also: Sibling Support

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Dale Harcombe (10142) 05 Mar 2008 06:45 PM

I learned with my second child that what worked with the first wouldn't necessarily work second time round, though obviously some things remained the same and were not negotiable. My son is now finding the same with his two. See my blog http://christian.families.com/blog/are-you-prepared-to-say-no