Would You Allow Your 15-Year-Old Daughter to Date a 20-Year-Old Guy?

Samual (11722) 08 Oct 2008 02:02 PM

Age doesn't bother me in the slightest as it doesn't make any difference.

Kara (21185) 08 Oct 2008 02:31 PM

There is no way I would let my 15 year old date a 20 year old...or my 16 or 17.I suppose if the teen was 18 then maybe I might be okay with it. Maybe...

Courtney Mroch (9169) 08 Oct 2008 02:46 PM

I was 15, Wayne was 18, when we started dating. My mom did not appreciate this at all. His dad panicked we'd get me in "trouble." But he turned out to be an AWESOME influence. I went from some As, mostly Bs, some Cs, to As and Bs junior year, and Straight As senior year. (There might have been a quarter when I let one B slip in, but it was all As.)

Because of him I'd gotten my grades up enough to apply for colleges I otherwise wouldn't have considered. I went on not only to attend college, but to graduate.

Now look at us 22 years later. Still going strong.

Of course, I was no pop sensation and the age difference was 3 years not 5. But if they are good for each other, I do believe it's possible for these kinds of relationships to work. Crazy as that may sounds.

But I will say, if I had a daughter I may not be such an advocate of "let them see where it will go"....

Dale Harcombe (10137) 08 Oct 2008 08:00 PM

Yes. My first boyfriend was 7 years older than me. I was 14. My mother had no problem with it. She thought it was better that way.

Dale Harcombe (10137) 08 Oct 2008 08:01 PM

It really depends on the people concerned and how mature they are, I should have added

Michele Cheplic (37236) 09 Oct 2008 04:53 AM

I think the major issue in this particular case is that she is underage. It's not like she's 20 and he's 25 or she's 18 and he's 23. If he is "romancing" her in "adult" ways he could be sent to jail for it. I think that is what the brouhaha is about.

Any relationship can work--no matter what the age difference--if both parties are willing to work at it. However, when one of those parties is at risk of breaking the law for engaging in said relationship I think that's when things get hairy.

Thanks for your comments!

Tristi Pinkston (10839) 09 Oct 2008 10:15 AM

I have to agree with Michele -- no way would I let my fifteen-year-old do any such thing. If she were a little older, however, it wouldn't be quite so much of an issue. In fact, my husband is fifteen years older than myself, but I was eighteen when we started dating, and our relationship was approached very realistically and maturely, rather than just romantically. The older you are, the less age differences matter. Fifteen is still a little girl in a whole lot of ways, and I don't care if you grew up in the limelight -- you're a little girl.

Dale Harcombe (10137) 09 Oct 2008 01:45 PM

If you're talking about a sexual relationship, then that's a whole different issue.

Pattie Hughes (7652) 10 Oct 2008 04:30 AM

Well, I met my dh when I was 15 and he was 20. Of course, my dad flipped out and the relationship ended. We met up again when I was 20 and have been together ever since. I once pointed out to my dad that he was wrong. That being said, we would probably react the same way my parents did and say NO WAY. :) My dad said he needs to stay alive long enough to see one of his granddaughters come home with a guy five years older than her! Dh now sees his point.

Michele Cheplic (37236) 10 Oct 2008 05:47 AM

Where does a 15-year-old girl meet a 20-year-old guy anyway? I could see a 14-year-old freshman and an 18-year-old senior hooking up in high school, but how does a "regular" teen girl meet up with a 20-year-old in a setting that would lead to a potential romance?

Valorie Delp (49340) 10 Oct 2008 09:23 AM

I'm with you. . .NO WAY! It's true that you can look on lots of people in hindsight and go--"see it worked out". But I would venture to guess for every story that worked out, there's another few that really isn't so pretty. Once she's an adult, I think that age is kind of irrelevant. . .but at 15. . .an older guy is a huge influence--and not often for the better.

swtuthmommy3 (130) 10 Oct 2008 12:54 PM

At first thought I would say 'NO'. When my daughter gets to be that age and she ends up wanting to date some guy who's over 18, we will have a serious discussion of what kind of relationship she should have and wants to have, plus the legality of the whole thing. I would do the same thing if my now 20 year old son wants to date a 15 yr old girl. I started dating my first husband when I was 16 and he was 21, and my parents were okay with it.

Kara (21185) 10 Oct 2008 03:22 PM

I think 15 year olds are not mature enough no matter how mature they think they are or how mature they act. They're not mentally ready for a 20 year old partner. I wouldn't care if my child was 18...but even then I would question whether she knew what she was getting into.

Michele Cheplic (37236) 11 Oct 2008 01:44 PM

I didn't think of that--it would be interesting if the situation was reversed and it was the female who was 20 and the guy who was 15. Thanks for the comments!

Andrea Hermitt (5472) 01 Jun 2009 05:44 PM

As a teen, my parents were OK with me dating Older guys... I dated a 19 year old when I was 14. BAD IDEA. Fortunately, things didn't go the way they go these days, as I was against premarital sex, but someone that young is not prepared for that kind of heart break. I am discouraging my daughter from dating until she is mature enough to not end up with self esteem issues after a breakup.

Michele Cheplic (37236) 02 Jun 2009 03:51 AM

I am seriously looking into an all-girl's school for my dd so I can avoid situations like this or at least delay them for a bit.

roxannesumms (5) 18 Jun 2009 03:45 PM

i wouldn't suggest an all girls school. it will make your daughter want to rebel and be with guys more. a normal school is just fine.

and there are many ways for girls to meet older guys. for example, staying in a hotel, the mall, festivals. Some girls look and act older, and when the guy finds out she's only 15, it makes them want to back off. if they're not a perv. you'd hope your daughter could make that decision. but some guys don't mind just chatting with girls regardless of age.

bridge02 (207) 01 Aug 2009 07:31 PM

I wouldn't worry about Miley dating older guys. The sixteen year old (who earns over $3 million per year) is probably a lot more mature than a teenage boy. If girls in the greater public mature faster than boys, I can only imagine how mature they must be when they have grown up working in Hollywood.

Lets hope though that her fans don't follow in her footsteps...

oheffalump (5) 25 Aug 2009 02:51 PM

I think this is a very controversial topic and it's very interesting to see how opinions vary simply according to country.

In the UK, 16 is the age of consent, and is the age that I was at when my partner of now almost 3 years got together. He is almost six years older than me.

To say that all 15-year-olds are not mature enough to handle a 20-year-old is crass ... as a general rule it is probably correct, but there are individual cases out there that vary greatly from this. Coming from an abusive background, I have probably experienced far more horrors than your average 30-year-old, so I think it's safe to say that in terms of maturity, at 16 I was more than mentally ready for a 21-year-old. I was always told that I was wise beyond my years, and I should think so too when I was raised in such a way!

I had tried dating boys my own age at the time, only to find that everything crumbled because I already wanted someone to settle down with and they all just wanted sex! My grades slipped every single time I dated a teen boy, yet D encouraged me to get on with my school-work and even refused to see me if I hadn't completed the work I needed to do.

My brother, who is now 15, is dating a 20-year-old. According to UK law, the girl is a paedophile. So regardless of whether or not my brother is mature enough to handle it, it's wrong, and I totally agree with that. Of course, others would question what a year would make in difference, but obviously it does or else the law wouldn't be the way it is ...

In my opinion? It would depend on how mature my daughter is when she turns SIXTEEN. I would judge based on her individual, mental maturity rather than her age alone, but she would at least have to be sixteen.