You Don't Always Have to "Win"

by Kori Rodley Irons | More from this Blogger

As you may imagine, with three teenagers of my own and often a few "extras" in my house, there are plenty of opinions, theories, politics, and comments flying around at any given moment. It used to be, when my children were smaller, that we could have "discussions" and I could share my opinions, values, and ideas with them. But now days, they are working pretty hard at developing their own and I have the sort of kids who would argue and debate over just about anything. That isn't exactly my style, but it is hard not to get sucked into things. I'm learning, however, that not only is it pretty pointless to argue with a teenager, it also is not necessary to try to "win" at conversations and discussions...

As a matter of fact, I'm finding that having debating and contrary teens around is a grand lesson for me and a chance to practice walking away from disagreements, not forcing every interaction to have a resolution, and acknowledging very different opinions and ideas. Who would have thought I would get such a fine opportunity at practicing these tough skills from my own children?

I know that this is really hard for many parents-we need our kids to acknowledge our authority and we somehow "know" that we have earned the right to have our position or opinions appreciated over theirs. Well, we do want them to develop into free thinking, independent, strong-minded individual adults (at least that is what I want for my children)-but I also want to model some good communication for them. Sure, they know how to debate and argue, but do they know how to appreciate diverse opinions and stay calm when people are expressing things they don't agree with? It takes skill to learn how to stay calm, pleasant and open with people who are very different and very loud! As I'm practicing, I'm hoping they might be absorbing some of that too.

Meanwhile, there really is no point in arguing with a teenager-AND, we can demonstrate that we are comfortable enough in our own positions and beliefs that we don't have to win, and that we are open to other ideas and opinions too.

Also: Keeping Family Issues in Perspective

Older Teens Really DON'T Come With Parenting Manuals

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